Tuesdays with Muerte

We all want our kids to be happy, safe, and successful. But what if our efforts to protect them are actually holding them back? Over the past few decades, parenting has shifted from  helicoptering —hovering close and monitoring every move—to  lawnmowering , where parents clear every obstacle in a child’s path. Both come from love, but both send the same subtle message:  “You can’t handle this.” And that message can quietly chip away at a child’s confidence and resilience. Helicopter vs. Lawnmower Parenting: Two Sides of the Same Coin Helicopter parents  hover overhead—constantly checking where their kids are, who they’re with, and what they’re doing. For years, researchers believed this kind of “monitoring” kept kids out of trouble. But research tells a different story: Only  5%  of what parents know about their teens comes from strict monitoring. About  50%  comes from  kids choosing to share —because they trust their parents. This finding s...

Kenneth Rooks poses after winning the silver medal in the men's 3,000-meter steeplechase final, at the 2024 Summer Olympics, Wednesday, Aug. 7, 2024, in Saint-Denis, France. Ashley Landis, Associated Press According to a Church News article , Kenneth Rooks, a former Brigham Young University track star and Latter-day Saint missionary, said that Alma 26 from The Book of Mormon inspired him to win a silver medal in the 2024 Summer Olympics men's 3,000-meter steeplechase.  In the chapter, Ammon says, " I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things " (verse 12). Rooks said this passage reminded him to be humble and trust the Lord. He also said that he was thinking about being an instrument in God's hands and that the Olympics were an opportunity to do that. Inspiration I draw from Rook's Olympic story: Rooks feared how he would measure up to internati...

Introduction I'm reading Filled with His Love by Russell T. Osguthorpe, emeritus Sunday School General President for the LDS church. I was startled by the first paragraph of his book. Of all the problems we face in mortality, the most vexing is not the lack of money or even the lack of food and water. It is the lack of love—the inability to receive and give love as the Savior did. If our physical body receives the necessary nourishment but our spirit does not receive and give love, our time on earth has no meaning. We might as well not exist. —Russell T. Osguthorpe, Filled with His Love Osguthorpe obviously feels strongly about the importance of being filled with the love of God (loving and feeling loved). It reminded me of a special interaction with him over a decade ago circa 2013. While walking between classes, I recognized Professor Osguthorpe walking between buildings. He was still a BYU McKay school professor, but he was also on campus developing the Church-wide  Come Follow...

Stacia and I wrote a lullaby for our 5-month-old baby, Kai. Here's how it happened: Before Kai's birth, we intended to create a personalized lullaby like my sisters’ kids had. However, busy schedules made it challenging. During our Christmas vacation at Heather's house in Spokane, WA, we aimed to fulfill that goal and compose a special lullaby for Kai. However, with the house packed with family to interact with, we never made the time. Fortunately for us, my sister invited us to extend our stay by a week. Once the house was quiet, we immediately got to work on Kai's goodnight song. After months and months of anticipation, it all came together— in a single afternoon !  First, I threw a favorite chord progression together on the guitar. Then Stacia and I figured out the vocal melody, lyrics, and form and wrote it all down on sheet music.  The following day, we were still in the flow, so we added descants and harmonies. My 12-year-old niece Annika and my sister Heather pit...

Introduction In the wake of the volatile response to Elder Holland's recent BYU address , my friend, Melanie Parry-Winkle, shared the following compassionate invitation on Facebook. I took Melanie up on her offer and reached out in a private message. We had a terrific conversation. With patience and gentle curiosity, she helped me articulate some of the tension I was experiencing. She also offered me a deeper appreciation for the experience of those who were feeling hurt and afraid for their safety after Elder Holland's address.  My thoughts then turned to how I could take a step closer to those with different perspectives instead of draw lines in defense of my own views. With her permission, I'll repeat the counsel she shared with me: Excerpt from Our Facebook Conversation Bryan: I've recently been feeling sensitive about my privilege. As a white, cis-gendered BYU grad trying to get a job in the valley, I'm working hard to uncover and publicly acknowledge my bias...

Introduction Note: I originally wrote this circa 2016. It is springtime in Provo and the air is, once again, thick with love. With all of the Especially For Youth (EFY) counselors dotting the BYU campus in their brightly colored polos, I am reminded of a traumatizing, would-be-love story that is finally ripe for serious self-reflection after 10 years. Storytime I worked for EFY in varying capacities for 3 summers (2005-2007). It was one of the most demanding, most satisfying things I've ever done. I used to joke that the pay wasn't great, but the (spiritual) benefits were out-of-this-world. As a 23-25-year-old BYU-Utah undergraduate student, I was beyond my dating prime and feeling serious pressure to be in "wife-finding mode," despite not feeling emotionally prepared for that kind of commitment with another person. In EFY culture, there is an end-of-week relationship tradition observed by both participants and counselors. Although counselors were prohibited (and...

10-day-old Kai His name — We thought Kai's name would be much easier to settle on than it was. Honestly, it was the last thing holding us up before the nurses would let us leave the hospital. Kai was always at the top of our list of names, but I supposed we would lock it down immediately after seeing him for the first time. Community  — In these COVID times, we were surprised (and grateful for) how many people served us (e.g., food, gifts, time). Prepared to be on our own, we bought 2 weeks of frozen food from Beehive Meals that we haven't even cracked into yet. Burp rag supply — We severely underestimated the number of burp rags we would initially go through. Despite having 30 rags, there were numerous times we had zero in reserve. (Granted, we have not been efficient in their use.) Back pain — We weren't expecting backaches for both of us. (Stacia is obviously still recovering from 2.5 of pushing. I just have terrible form while holding Kai.) We should’ve been doing pr...

Image source 10 Arguments for Hand Washing Dishes  Immediately After Use 1. SHOWS CHARACTER The habit of handwashing dishes immediately after using them shows personal responsibility and consideration for others.  In the absence of clear dish-doing duties, washing one's own dishes is evidence of strong personal character and respect for others.  It is a mark of social maturity not to assume that someone else will clean up your mess. ( E.g., Necessitating "Your mother doesn't live here" signs.)  It also frees the sink and counters for others to use communal kitchen spaces. ( E.g., it's tough to rinse lettuce in a sink full of dirty dishes.)  It also allows for the re-use of favorite  dishes throughout the day.  2. PREVENTS CRUSTIES Dishes are often more difficult to clean as food hardens on them over time. (E.g., post-smoothie blender.) Even electric dishwashers can struggle to clean dishes that have sat out for more than a few hours. Exceptions to thi...

Bryan's Lessons My idea is not necessarily the  right  idea. But even if it were, the relationship is more important than being right. When one of us is sad, and once the space is safe, it's helpful to approach an interaction with a tender hug.  It's an important habit to share a meaningful kiss as we come and go. (I picked that one up from watching  The Importance of Kissing  on The School of Life YouTube channel.) I didn't need many facial tissues before marriage. But now, it's worth investing in the Costco 12-pack. The temple is an excellent place to unwind from a stressful week. It's my job to never forget weekly date night or FHE. Intimacy cues are hard. It's important to clearly communicate what I want, whether it be that I'm tired…or not tired. Stacia's Lessons Vulnerability…is hard. It's tough being seen as less than perfect by the one you wanted to be perfect for. Trials are much easier to face with two. Having a shared ...

Jim's Amazing Story I was reminded of this PowerTales ™  story on Facebook today: “This is Jim Thorpe. Look closely at the photo. You can see that he's wearing different socks and shoes. This wasn't a fashion statement. It was the 1912 Olympics, and Jim was a Native American from Oklahoma representing the U.S. in track and field. On the morning of his competitions, his shoes were stolen. Luckily, Jim ended up finding two shoes in a garbage can. That's the pair that he's wearing in the photo. But one of the shoes was too big, so he had to wear an extra sock. Wearing these shoes, Jim won two gold medals that day.” Why I Want to Be Like Jim Thorpe I knew who Jim Thorpe was from an early age. A common Sunday afternoon activity for me was to listen along to recordings as I read,  PowerTales ™,  popular character-development books for children in the 80s. Jim Thorpe's book on Sportsmanship was my favorite. Thorpe's multiple extraordinary athleticism and praisewor...

Introduction After reading  The Happiness Project  (2009) by New York Times bestselling author, Gretchen Rubins, I decided to read two of her more recent books: Better Than Before  (2015) The Four Tendencies  (2017) These books talk about habits and how our personalities orient us toward certain motivational techniques. Both showcased Rubin's revolutionary personality profile called, The Four Tendencies . She explains that "The Four Tendencies explain  why we act  and  why we don’t act ." And boy, did I learn a lot about how I personally derive motivation. Now, I'm dying to discuss them with my friends and family.  Take the ONLINE QUIZ now, or read on to discover your Tendency.  A Summary of The Four Tendencies The Four Tendencies framework describes how we respond to expectations. We all face two kinds of expectations: outer expectations , such as meeting work deadlines or observing traffic regulations, and inner expectations , such as q...

Sometimes, the most painful things I have experienced in life are sad memories I've held on to long after the painful event has past. This issue was brought to mind for me this week as I watched some Doctor Who with Stacia. Doctor Who Explores the Universal Law of Justice Stacia and I just finished watching an episode of Doctor Who called  A Town Called Mercy  (s07e03) where an alien, scientist named Kahler-Jex hides out in the old west. His character was based on J. Robert Oppenheimer, a.k.a. “the father of the atomic bomb.” On Jex's home world, he developed an army of cyborg super-soldiers (through awful torture) who nearly-instantaneously ended a nine year war by “decimating the population.” After the war, Jex and his cyborg-project cohort were hunted down and being eliminated by “The Gunslinger,” a renegade super-soldier. Jex escaped to earth and hid out in a small town in the American West where he led a serene life of service and redemption. But soon the r...