Tuesdays with Muerte

"YesButNoButYes" is giving away free gift cards that enable you to play The Princess Bride Game online. All you have to do to win one is to leave your favorite Princess Bride quote in comment-form on their website here , and eight winners will be picked at random. When I commented, there were less than 24 entries. That means odds of winning were 1 in 3! Not bad! Hag: Your true love lives. And you marry another. True Love saved her in the Fire Swamp, and she treated it like garbage. And that's what she is, the Queen of Refuse. So bow down to her if you want, bow to her. Bow to the Queen of Slime, the Queen of Filth, the Queen of Putrescence. Boo. Boo. Rubbish. Filth. Slime. Muck. Boo. Boo. Boo. Inigo Montoya: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. Pronounced: Hue kip hue'sing dat' hoard. I do naut think he mis wa' hue tink him is. . . "You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword and we...

WARNING : Below, you will see a disturbing set of images meant for DOCTORS' EYES ONLY! In this case , the patient was a 5-year-old boy treated by U.S. Air Force surgeons in a rural area of the Republic of Honduras. "The respiratory pore of a late-stage larva of the human botfly (Dermatobia hominis) was located in the anterior orbit," says the article abstract. "The larva was gently removed under general anesthesia through a small incision in the conjunctiva." The patient was apparently none the worse for wear. >>  SEE GRAPHIC PICTURE ON FLICKR HERE!  << According to entomologists, the human botfly lays its eggs on the bodies of other insects (such as mosquitoes), which then transfer the eggs to animal or human hosts by direct contact. When a botfly egg hatches, the larva burrows into the host's skin head-first and begins feeding. This nasty creature is found mainly in Central and South America, but there are other species of flies known ...

1. AGLET - The plain or ornamental covering on the end of a shoelace. 2. ARMSAYE - The armhole in clothing. 3. CHANKING - Spat-out food, such as rinds or pits. 4. COLUMELLA NASI - The bottom part of the nose between the nostrils. 5. DRAGÉES - Small beadlike pieces of candy, usually silver-coloured, used for decorating cookies, cakes and sundaes. 6. FEAT - A dangling curl of hair. 7. FERRULE - The metal band on a pencil that holds the eraser in place. 8. HARP - The small metal hoop that supports a lampshade. 9. HEMIDEMISEMIQUAVER - A 64th note. (A 32nd is a demisemiquaver, and a 16th note is a semiquaver.) 10. JARNS, 11. NITTLES, 12. GRAWLIX, 13. and QUIMP - Various squiggles used to denote cussing in comic books. 14. KEEPER - The loop on a belt that keeps the end in place after it has passed through the buckle. 15. KICK or PUNT - The indentation at the bottom of some wine bottles. It gives added strength to the bottle but lessens its holding capacity. 16. LIRIPIPE - The long tail on a ...

1. My blog seems to be growing exponentially in popularity. Two weeks ago, I was getting 10 visitors a day if I was lucky. Yesterday, the site logged over 100 unique visitors! Curious how and why I was receiving so many visits, I tried Googling myself, "Bryan Tanner". Nothing. The number one hit-return was another Bryan Tanner in Michigan. It's actually creepy how similar our blogs are. He's LDS, loves the outdoors, is a singer and even recently blogged about his facial hair. [Cue Twilight Zone Music]. Bryan's Blog: Opticwalrus.blogspot.com 2. CNN Blast from the past - October 9, 1998 - How fast can YOU swim when chased by a crocodile? - An Australian swim coach demands results by introducing a crocodile into the swimming pool! 3. After nearly 17 years, the SCI FI Channel is changing its name to . . . 4. NASA made a bad call. They decided to allow internet voting for the new name of a new wing of the international space station. Stephen Colbert is an a...

March 28th, 2009 will mark my 4th consecutive year attending The Festival of Holi [pronounced Holly ] at the Spanish Fork Krishna Temple. Here is some free advice if you are planning to attend for the first time: 10 Tips For Attending Holi in Spanish Fork, UT Plan to travel  on the back roads.  Don't take main street in Spanish Fork; take the backroad. Ask me individually for further directions. I don't want my secret to become too popular. Or plot it out yourself. If you are worried about getting lost, drive down on Friday to case out the joint. They're open all day and they will even sell you colored powder and event t-shirts in advance. Wear "camping clothes." My clothes get trashed every time. Usually, the colors come out in the wash, but last year I had to just throw away my sweater. (The experience is always worth it though.) Bring your own colors if you can. For the last few years, they've sold tiny, homemade bags for $1 and authenti...

By age 13, I was a Life Scout with over 40 merit badges. My next step toward achieving Eagle rank was to plan and carryout an Eagle Scout Project. I had some pretty good ideas. 1. After completing my fingerprinting merit badge with Agent Molen, a former employee of the FBI, I thought it would be beneficial to the community to host an event at the local elementary school on a Saturday afternoon when Moms could take their kids down and have them fingerprinted so the police could have them on file in case they were ever lost or kidnapped. 2. Another idea I had was to build and install new park benches at a Ferrel McCorder Park. This local park has been a family favorite for years. We loved to take walks along the wilderness trails and through the acres of meadows. When we had finished our walks we always wished we could sit down, but the wooden benches had grown moldy and rotten in the moist, Seattle weather. I thought we could somehow make some plastic-coated metal benche...

Origin of the word hiccup French "hoquet" - meaning "Little hic", which is the sound you make when you hiccup. In English, the word evolved from -hicket -hickot -hickock -hickop -hiccup Later, some people thought it was "hiccough", as they thought it included a cough. Cure : 1. Get a tall glass of ice and fill it with water. 2. Put a stainless steel utensil in the glass, business side down, where the handle sticks out. A knife works best. 3. Stir it around. 4. Make sure the handle of the utensil is touching your friend's cheek or face while they drink from the glass. 5. After a few sips, their hiccups WILL BE GONE! TA - DAH! I know, it's crazy, but it really, really works; 100%! If I were a betting man, I would put any amount of money on it. Other Remedies : Here is THE BEST resource I've found on hiccups. It has gathered the 30 best remedies from around the net and ordered them in order of effectiveness. Below are the top two that I'...

Last night I drempt I was an Art Director for a prestigious creative group that was just breaking into the high-profile client market. The majority of the night was spent reviewing four different ad campaigns for a company that would remove snow along public transportation railways. Of the four ideas presented, three of them were superficial and self-centered. Only the last one had any real insight to offer; targeted exactly to meet the clients' needs. When I woke up, I remembered the last three of the pitches. But now. . .all I can remember is that there was a lot of cold, cold snow. And I hated one of the ideas. The last part of the dream was the most interesting for me. Vying for the business of a tea company called Earl Grey , I created a campaign in an attempt to rebrand their image. They wanted to shift from being thought of as "an old lady's tea" to a "high-end, sophisticated business person's tea." My team entered the meeting with the clie...

Sometimes, especially late at night, I am surprised to find that my urine smells like . . . -Popcorn -Bacon Cheeseburgers -Thumb tacks -Dry Wall (I kept a running list next to my sink over the last week. After researching this a little bit, I have concluded that I have genetic super-powers; not involving my digestive tract, but with my nose ––– It's ultra-sensitive. Sensitive to a fault . I have not yet discovered how to apply this power for the benefit of humanity.) Why does urine smell like different things? Disease : According to WebMD , "Urine does not smell very strong, but has a slightly "nutty" odor. Some diseases cause a change in the odor of urine. For example, an infection with E. coli bacteria can cause a bad odor, while diabetes or starvation can cause a sweet, fruity odor." Why does urine smell nasty after eating asparagus? History: There is only one recorded instance in which a food had a repeated effect on urine odor. In the 18th century, a ph...

"Come on, Kidlets! Let's go visit your Uncle Bry!" "Huzzah!!!" [In unison] "Let's not forget to bring him a mitten. It gets windy in March." I was inspired to create this cartoon after seeing this SMBC one below. I can't decide on which type of hand to have sticking out of the grave: -skeleton hand -life-like, yet durable prosthetic (that wouldn't get thrashed by a weedwacker) -copper statue hand I think I like the idea of a copper hand. I want to be the guy whose statue is worn down with people touching it frequently so that the green oxidation rubs off and it's just silvery. Death is inevitable. But so is life after. p.s. Consider this cartoon a formal request. p.s.s. I totally got my first business to advertise on my site. Granted, it was an unsolicited ad found in the comments section of this post. But I'm still stoked! As a result, I've implemented password protection for the comments section. Hopefully, you also fi...