Tuesdays with Muerte

But I'm going to tell the story anyway. . . David Stone weighed 630 lbs and look now what he has become. He lost a whopping 470 lbs. At age 29, Stone and had more than 30lbs of excess skin removed. To do it he had to do a lot of exercises. Stone is an inspiration and example of will power for all of us. His fitness instructor Chris Powell said, “At the start of the training program, David was so fat that he had to be weighed at a local garage on scales normally used for cars and trucks.” Source Good work, Bro.

PREFACE Last night's nightmare gradually transformed from bad to worse. I woke up multiple times throughout the sequence of dreams, which usually never happens. DREAM 1) Sinking Sandtraps Not having played golf in a long time, I was surprised to find that many of the rules have changed: Instead of playing two sets of nine short holes, you now play two sets of two long holes. The course actually resembles the game of Shoots and Ladders. I discovered this the hard way when I hit my ball in the sand on the "first hole." I went to pitch it out when I sunk through the sand and found myself at the beginning tee. As the course progressed, I made very sure to stay away from the sand traps, but I never did find the equivalent to the ladders. I suspect that if you hit the ball on the exact middle of the fare-way, the grass acts like a moving-walkway that you would find at an airport and carries your ball great distances, around corners, and even to adjacent holes. ...

My Dad After Surgery After dad had a kidney stone surgically removed, he was pretty badly doped up. To test his own state of mind in the recovery room he asked the family this simple question: " Zhabungawalezapod ?" "What honey?" asked mom with a smile. " Isabunjawhalesapod ?" dad insisted. "I don't understand Gordon, what are you saying?" A little more lucidly, " Isabunchofwhalesapod ?" Finally someone in the crowd pickup what he was laying down (smoother than a rapper from South Central): "oh, he's asking, ' Is a bunch of whales, a pod ?'" "Yes, Gordon. Very good." David Goes To The Dentist My favorite line is,  "Is this real life?"  I empathize with that poor guy. I'm sure some of you do too. Please share your funny "drugged" stories in the comments.

A Prophecy . . . Some days, don't you just feel like this? "You are NOT in charge here, Shorty; I AM!" Dieting: A feeling contrary to every natural instinct we possess. Which of your children does this remind you of the most? Woman's Plan of Happiness: Stay in the Kitchen Wouldn't it be awesome to open your fridge one day and discover that alien probes, in stasis, have infiltrated and begun infecting your eggs? Fun Links: 1. The 2008 Weblog Awards ( Website ) 2. The, Longest, Carrot, Ever. ( Blog ) 3. There are a lot of beauty pageant out there. This is one foreign-hosted pageant you'll never forget. EVER. ( Website ) 4. In honor of the George Lucas A Cappella Tribute, here is the Asian-Zelda-Guy! ( YouTube.com ) 5. How To Be a Stay-at-Home Dad Video | In case Rick ever felt like dropping out of the Medical Profession | ( Howcast.com )

Are you ready for Valentine's Day? Brief etymology of this holiday: According to Belarus, this holiday originates from the story of Saint Valentine, who upon rejection by his mistress was so heartbroken that he took a knife to his chest and sent her his still-beating heart as a token of his undying love for her. Hence, heart-shaped cards are now sent as a tribute to his overwhelming passion and suffering. A quick quiz: St. Valentine was: a) a priest in the Roman Empire who helped persecuted Christians during the reign of Claudius II, was thrown in jail and later beheaded on Feb. 14. b) a Catholic bishop of Terni who was beheaded, also during the reign of Claudius II. c) someone who secretly married couples when marriage was forbidden, or suffered in Africa, or wrote letters to his jailer's daughter, and was probably beheaded. d) all, some, or possibly none of the above. If you guessed the letter that begins the word dog , give yourself a box of chocolate...

If Groundhog Day were re-released in 2009, I think it would get a better public response if they used this HORROR version of the movie trailer: Here are some of my favorite lines from this movie: And, yes, I did hand-type these after reviewing the entire movie script. Phil: Somebody asked me today, "Phil, if you could be anywhere in the world, where would you like to be?" And I said to him, "Prob'ly right here - Elko, Nevada, our nation's high at 79 today." Out in California, they're gonna have some warm weather tomorrow, gang wars, and some *very* overpriced real estate. Up in the Pacific Northwest, as you can see, they're gonna have some very, very tall trees. Rita: Would you like to have dinner with Larry and me? Phil: No, thank you. I've seen Larry eat. [Phil abruptly crams hand into his mouth.] Man on Stairs:Good morning. You off to see the groundhog? Phil: I am. Man on Stairs: Do you think it will be an ea...

Grab your car keys and head to Denny's February 3th for your free Grand Slam breakfast. From 6 am-2pm, every man, woman and child in the US is invited to come to Denny's for a free Grand Slam Breakfast. The dine-in only breakfast includes two pancakes, two eggs, two links of sausage and two strips of bacon. Denny's sells more than 12.5 million Grand Slams a year. Customers on Tuesday also get a coupon booklet that includes offers for additional free menu items with purchases. Also, Denny's customers can "Slam It Up" by adding any two additional items for 99 cents each. "The Grand Slam has always been a Denny's favorite," said Nelson Marchioli, Denny's CEO, in a news release. "This free offer is our way of re-acquainting America with Denny's real breakfast and with the Denny's brand. You don't know the real Denny's unless you've been in our restaurants lately, experiencing the quality of our new menu items and our serv...

2009 AD commemorates the Chinese year of the Ox . And you know what that means! It means that it is time to be much more liberal with our hugs and almost as liberal with our kisses . (Get it? "BIG O", "little x".) In short, it is the year of LOVE . Now is the time for you to extend your arms in friendship to those who you would have only said hello to in the past. Feel free to share "besos" with those you love. All of this is medically documented. According to Chinese tradition, this is the one year in every twelve when the stars align in such a way to create a aphrodisiological-effect on the three planets nearest the Sun. This effect causes natural fluctuations in humans on a cellular level. These gyrating cells across the systems of the body excite both the sensory and extrasensory receptors in the brain sending electrical patterns of attraction in both genders. This is the reason why the Chinese make dumplings--to celebrate the excited brain...

I saw most of these while hanging out at Danny Gray's Apt. (3-2-Fun) This post is dedicated to Chris Buttars. 1. The Original: Dramatic Chipmunk. ("Don't get scared now." What movie?) 2. The Knock Off: Dramatic Cat 3. The Cool Knock Off: Dramatic Lemur or Maki? (Link to The Wagner Version ) If you chose to view the longer "Wagner Version" be sure to watch for the pupil contraction at toward the end. The last 30-seconds are utterly pointless. 4. My New Favorite Japanese Knock Off: "Would you like my Card?" I'd like to think that the business card belongs to the woman. Any other explanation for what you are about to witness would make absolutely no sense .  Don't try to analyze it; just go with it.

Introduction Matthew O. Richardson, a BYU professor of Marriage and Family Living, just published his first book,  The Relationship Seasons: Navigating the 5 Stages of Relationships . Richardson premise is that Christ-centered relationships ought to develop naturally like the seasons. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven." The purpose of this book is to define the purposes and practices of the five, distinct seasons of relationships. The ideas included in his book have been presented at BYU Education Week lectures over the last few years. Since attending those, my brain has been turning them over and over until I feel some ownership of them. Lessons from Book Summary (pp. 73-75): Our society's definition/purpose and practice of dating is broken. Many in my own ward believe dating has simply become a vehicle for romance; and that a first-date is a contract for an exclusive relationship. Is d...