I Want to Get Engaged…in Life

I am in a singles ward of young adults who are all 4-year seminary graduates, returned missionaries and currently serve valiantly in their Church callings. They know the doctrines of the Gospel. They what will bring them happiness. And yet--gobs of 25-31 year olds are flying holding patterns in their lives. Why is this? What is keeping faithful YSAs from living the things they know to be true? Motivation! They lack the motivation to overcome their fear of landing.

"Dating has never been a big priority for me."
"There is no one is in my life telling me not to [do something bad], so..."
"I'm lazy. [_____] would take effort."
I will focus on marriage as soon as--

I get a solid job.
I finish school.
Winter is over.
this boy asks me out.
[fill in the blank

Let's talk about a couple of things that motivate me:

I feel motivated by the examples of great men and women that I look up to--both living and deceased.

Captain Moroni--for creatively and passionately standing up for truth and freedom
Jim Thorpe--for his example of sportsmanship
Madame Marie Currie--for overcoming the many cultural obstacles to achieve her dream
Confucius--for seeking harmony in a world filled with war
Joshua Pope--for working 14 hour days in order to provide for his family.
Everyone around me or that I learn about--almost everyone has a motivating story to tell.

I am also motivated by great music. I recently attended my cousin's HS musical production of The Scarlett Pimpernel. I was moved by one scene in particular. Like many young men today, Percy, the main character of the story, was faced with a challenge that would have been all too easy to evade. However, he and his 11, British confederates faced off against the overwhelming forces of the French Revolution. Percy channeled his fear and used it as a motivation to act when he could have safely retreated behind the debutant delight of Cricket [read: Halo]. Here are some lyrics from his moving call to action:

(Arbitrary clip from YouTube.)

David walked into the valley

With a stone clutched in his hand

He was only a boy

But he knew someone must take a stand.

There will always be a valley

Always mountains one must scale

There will always be perilous waters

Which someone must sail

Into valleys, into waters

Into jungles, into hell

Let us ride, let us ride home again with a story to tell

Into darkness, into danger

Into storms that rip the night

Don't give in, don't give up,

But give thanks for the glorious fight!

You can tremble, you can fear it

But keep your fighting spirit alive, boys!

Let the shiver of it sting you!

Fling into battle! Spring to your feet, boys

Never hold back your step for a moment

Never doubt that your courage will grow

Hold your head even higher and into the fire we go!

Rummi-"CUB" vs. Rummi-"CUBE"

The "Rummikub" Pronunciation Debate Affirmative Constructive: "Cub" For years, I have been a firm advocate and defender of the pronunciation, Rummi-"CUB". The game box I grew up with spelled it, Rummicub on the box. However, other productions of the game have variant spellings: Rummykub , Rummy Kube , Rummy Tiles , etc. Based solely on box spelling, the game's true pronunciation is open to interpretation. Therefore, Rummi"cub" is equally acceptable to any other given pronunciation. Negative Constructive : "Cube" My opponents argue that since the game originated over seas, we ought to respect and maintain its original pronunciation. Affirmative Rebuttal: Americanization of the Term When the game was brought to America and given Americanized rules, its name was also Americanized. Pronunciation loyalists then counter my rebuttal with, "there are lots of adopted foreign words that have retained their original pron

The Secret Reason Why "Good Witch" Feels Emotionally Off

TL;DR It's the Botox. For the past 3 months, my wife, Stacia, and I have been watching Good Witch (via Netflix and Amazon Prime). Stacia adores winding down to "Hallmark-y shows." We can rely on Good Witch episodes to always resolve happily. The episodes are never too intense. The height of conflict revolves around things like someone's inability to locate the perfect spot to snap a romantic photo for a new tourism brochure. I consider my time watching these shows spouse bonding time , and emotional training. My favorite thing about watching feel-good shows with Stacia is getting to observe her facial reactions to the on-screen drama. When two people lean in for a long-anticipated kiss, Stacia tucks her knees into her chest and frowns with her forehead while lifting her chin and bottom lip. While I'm typically unable to suspend my disbelief, Stacia seems completely entranced by the various characters' emotions. Wishing I could join her in being swept aw

Who's Got The Funk?

I am an amateur guitarist, and I've got no funk. My musical skills seem to lacking that special something . Great musicians have it . Those fortunate enough to have gotten hold of it , create timeless hits. While musicians without it fade into oblivion. After spending hours searching through Blues history websites and 1970's band documentaries online, I discovered what that special something is thank to a (70% Man, 30% fish) character from the BBC show "The Mighty Boosh" named Old Gregg. He identified that thing as The Funk ! But what exactly is The Funk ? Here is some dialogue from the show to help explain its origin and purpose: Old Gregg: You're a musician, yeah? Howard: Yes I am. Old Gregg: Butchya ain't very good, are ya? Howard: I'm one of the best in town. Old Gregg: Come on, I read your reviews. Hmm? You know what your problem is? Howard: What? Old Gregg: Ya ain't got the funk. You're all rigid. Hmm? You're l

HeatherTue Mar 08, 05:49:00 AM MST
That was such a puzzling clip to me. Was this your cousin's performance, or one found online? The ages suggested high school or college, but the orchestra was pretty awful, pointing back to college. But the lead had an incredible voice, one I've rarely heard the equal of in a high school.

I am also motivated by great music, thanks for sharing yours.
Bryan TannerTue Mar 08, 11:06:00 PM MST
Heather, I've made some edits to this post. Daniel was a Bounder, one of Percy's men, in his HS production of TSP. This video was selected from Youtube because it most closely represented my live experience.
David KMon Apr 04, 12:31:00 AM MDT
Muerte, I don't particularly believe that YSA's holding patterns to be simply of a lack of motivation. I have not met anyone that is not motivated to seek a relationship. I feel that we are all properly incentivsed to act. It just takes faith to act. And I know plenty of serial daters who are trying to part the red sea, however, as they walk out into the water they are drowning. Some just give up because they have exhausted all hope. Others accept Satan’s substitutes. And many succeed.

To be motivated we need to be provided with a motive or given incentive for action. I think many of us have that. We just need to believe that our action will yield fruit. That is more application of faith.
Bryan TannerMon Apr 04, 03:26:00 PM MDT
Dave -- Thanks again for posting your comments. I am always excited to hear what you have to say.

You may be right, that "motivation" is not the right word for this post. You suggested a substitute, "stronger belief" or "greater faith", both terms that I agree with.

Check this video out about research regarding how incentives affect motivation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u6XAPnuFjJc

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