TL;DR
Black, White, Straight, Gay, or whatever — we are all worthy of respect & love.
My Biases
I am a straight, white male trying to appreciate the experience of my gay brothers and sisters. I started from a place of ignorance and unsubstantiated, conservative "truths" regarding same-sex attraction (SSA). As I continue to learn more, my opinions are changing. I hope that by writing this post and getting feedback on it, I will grow even closer to those who are different than me.I began my personal discovery process with the naive hope of understanding the driving forces behind SSA (probably with the intent to justify my biases). But now, I realize that having all the answers doesn't matter; people matter. This post is now motivated by a quote that resonated with me recently: "Our job is to love others without stopping to inquire whether or not they are worthy of it."
This post is not about advocating gay rights, nor any other socio-political position. Nor is it my intention to inflict any religious dogma on the reader—other than love.
Why Did I Write This Long Post?
Two reasons:- First of all, I just needed a place to process all my thoughts, so bear with me.
- Secondly, there is a dire need for more "LGBTQ+ Allies" or people to show lovingkindness towards those who identify as not straight.
This post is not about advocating gay rights, nor any other socio-political position. Nor is it my intention to inflict any religious dogma on the reader—other than love.
I Was Super Close-minded.
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| Lance Bass circa 1997 |
During my elementary and junior high school years, the only people who came out of the closet were celebrities. I falsely surmised that these actors and musicians conscientiously rebelled against God as a publicity stunt. These celebs strategically fed the tabloids those magic words—I'm gay—in an attempt to desperately give a bump to their stagnating careers.
In high school, the occasional friend would question his or her sexuality (but that was no surprise, as they questioned every other aspect of their universes as well.) About that time, I was told that researchers "concluded" that SSA was essentially grounded in biology; I didn't buy it. Right-wing conservatives were convinced that this was an official mental illness that could be cured with faith and will, but I wasn't completely convinced of that either. Based on a lack of what I deemed credible evidence, I deferred my involvement with the issue of SSA until a time when scientists and religious gurus had come to a consensus. "Homosexuality didn't affect me anyway," I told myself. But the reality was that it was highly likely that some of my closest friends felt attracted to members of the same gender. They were probably confused by their feelings, and (worst of all) couldn't talk with anyone about it for fear of being stigmatized. Did Christ disassociate himself from Samaritans and sinners? No. If I had truly been following the example of the Savior, I would have made a different choice.
Aside: I hear things are different, today. When a high schooler self-identifies as gay, he/she/they/[insert preferred pronoun] suddenly becomes a celebrity and thereby protected from insult and bullying.
*Choice distinguishes between homosexual attraction, thoughts, & inclinations, and homosexual behavior. According to LDS doctrine, choice relates to the behavioral aspect of SSA.
My Turning Point as a Mormon Missionary
I was a 19-year-old missionary before I seriously returned to the subject of homosexuality. By then, I was prepared to be open-hearted about where other people were coming from. I finally admitted to myself that SSA was indeed a real issue (inside the Church) after hearing an alarming number of gay missionaries' stories. But despite all the latest findings in the fields of science, the causal factors of SSA were still unclear to me. And because the Church didn't (and as of yet still doesn't) claim to know the cause of this recent focus on SSA, the Church's general population continues to freakout over the question of how to "deal" with their homosexual neighbors (as evidenced by this 2012 New Era article, What is the Church’s position on homosexuality? Is it OK to be friends with people who have homosexual feelings?) However, as a full-time missionary, scientific evidence, one way or another, was irrelevant to me. I had sufficient information to operate on. As an Elder, it was literally my job to love everyone, like Christ did (and does). I didn't want to be just another fear-driven, dismissive Mormon. But, being a noobie at not judging others, I eventually fell back into my old routine—I must understand people. If I could only understand them, I could then figure out how the gospel could bless their lives. (See Your Commission to Teach the Restored Gospel of Jesus Christ in Preach my Gospel.)How I Started Learning How to Quit Judging and Start Loving
More videos of Benji: 2012 US Open WCS Championships, and 2013 SF Dance Sensation Championships.
While reviewing my YouTube "Favorites" recently, I stumbled across this INCREDIBLE (improvised) dance performance. When YouTube's video recommendations popped up afterward, the first one was an interview Benji did with Mormon Stories. I was like, "Whoa! This guy's LDS! And he's also a champion on the show, So You Think You Can Dance! I've gotta check this out." (At the time, I didn't know that Mormon Stories is noted for its friendliness to Mormon skeptics and dissidents.)
"I'll just watch 10 minutes of this interview," I naively told myself. Twenty-five captivating minutes later, I hit the pause button to come up for air. Benji oozed with charisma, and his story was a real-life roller-coaster ride—an authentic tale of a young, Mormon (like me). In a matter of minutes, I was heart-deep in what felt like a personal conversation. I had never actually talked with an openly gay Mormon about his or her sexuality before. Naturally, I was curious to hear whatever Benji had to say on the issue. Just then, an irrational fear fleeted across my mind—"Will I become a raving liberal-rights activist if I continue watching this?" "Of course not," I reassured myself (simultaneously committing to read an extra 15 minutes of scriptures later that evening). "Watching this interview will help me to re-evaluate long-held misconceptions about myself and others. And while I'm bound to disagree with some of the opinions I'm about to hear, this is a safe opportunity for me to practice nonjudgemental listening." I then proceeded to watch all 2 hours & 6 minutes of this interview:
The Question Facing Many Gay Mormons: Stay or Leave?
I feel like I have turned a blind eye to the painful issues surrounding same-gender/same-sex attraction. Only now am I beginning to appreciate that, although Benji's vodcast is a single case, he is not alone. While little is empirically known about LDS homosexuality, according to the research cited in the Mormon Stories interview, 5-15% of all LDS men and women [sampled] struggle with a similar soul-wrenching puzzle of bringing all the pieces of their incongruent spiritual lives together in harmony (e.g., self-identity, personal revelation, tradition, cultural norms, prophetic doctrines, LDS Church politics). Some of these tortured souls resort to suicide in favor of a life of ostracization and self-deception! In light of their suffering, how can I withhold my emotional support?! Once again, my immediate desire was to "fix it" by beginning an academic study of the biology and causal forces of SSA, but realized for the second time—I realized that the reasons are irrelevant. I don't need to understand SSA; Christ understands and succors those in need—I just need to learn to have charity (which is not as simple as it sounds).
We discover, towards the end of Benji's interview, that—after years of experiencing extreme feelings of doubt, guilt, and torment—he removed his name from the records of the Church. In the words of Macklemore (lyrics originally by Mary Lambert), Benji was no longer "crying on Sundays." Some might call his choice a "good" one; I'm still not sure. This is a tricky, personal question. I know that I can never perfectly understand Benji's situation. And even if I could, Benji's choice is not mine to make.
As I ponder the question, "is Church membership an essential part of discipleship?" a story of Jesus comes to mind. Following His resurrection, the Savior issued the following commandment to His disciples: "I have commanded that none of you should go away, but rather have commanded that ye should come unto me, that ye might feel and see; even so shall ye do unto the world (3 Nephi 18:25)." That verse teaches me that Christians ought to be constantly inviting ourselves and others to come unto Christ. But does that necessarily mean inside the Church? Disciples are to be one with the Church only after we have repented and have committed to living worthily, the scriptures say. And if a person were to act unworthy, the scriptures say that your name should be blotted out [from the records of the Church]. When I first read this, the dogmatic side of me concluded, "The greatest peace and joy is found in living the Gospel of Jesus Christ, as taught in His Church. By definition, leaving the Church can never yield greater happiness. Plus, the scriptures say leaving the fold will lead to temptation. Therefore, it must be better to endure hardship within the Church than to renege on sacred covenants with God." But then my empathetic side weighed in. Benji obviously loves God and he loves the gospel. He diligently fought to remain true to his covenants for years. But after that final straw, he described in the interview, Benji claimed to have received divine permission to step away from Church membership, at least for a time.
At this point, I'll share my opinions on the two ways one can leave the Church: 1) removing one's records, and 2) excommunication. Excommunication is when a Church court is held because of some serious and damning (stopping) event in one's spiritual progression. However, while it sounds scary, it is not the end of the world. On the contrary, excommunication is Christ's positive, first step afforded to repentant souls on the path leading to personal peace and spiritual advancement following serious sin. I first learned this from my dad when we made monthly visits to an excommunicated sister whom we home-taught back in the 90s. He told me, "Church discipline is not a punishment; it's a blessing. When you find yourself on a dark path, excommunication grants you a period of proper repentance before stepping back into the light and making your way forward again." Requesting that your name be removed from the records of the Church (which is what Benji did) is when the member decides, not the Church. Everyone has their own story for why they feel the need to leave, but this option makes me feel sad because it's the likely result of someone not feeling loved, valued, and nourished by the good word of God.
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Image altered in Photoshop.
If you finished the vodcast, you'll know what this asterisk means.
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Additional Thoughts from Benji's Story:
- I've found an alarming number of stories of gays who have worked so hard and endured so much pain as they reconcile their personal emotions with their faith. The least I could do as a Christian is reach out in love towards them.
- Sexual feelings are God-given (and inherently good)! If the expression of these is not allowed—regardless of their orientation—it can lead to frustration, guilt and depression. (Taught in Elder Packer's talk, Ye Are the Temples of God.)
- God does not give us commandments we are not prepared/equipped to keep. There are always preparatory laws. (Pardon the brief video game analogy: RPG gamers know how difficult it is to fight their way through a dungeon when they haven't sufficiently leveled up enough to fight the baddies inside.)
- After reflecting on Benji's story, I reject the assumption that SSA is a preference. I refuse to believe the idyllic notion that that every person's mortal journey home must be a straight one. (Pun totally intended). I believe everyone will eventually have to walk the designated path for exaltation—for there is only one Way—but some people might feel the inclined to (please excuse another video game analogy) first gain some experience points (XP) by performing a few side quests. I'm not even talking about sexual orientation anymore. While "side-questing" is completely one's agentic birthright/privilege, I don't feel that leaving the church for the simple reason of "gaining XP" is the best course. There's ought to be plentiful opportunities for that within the Church. (I'm speaking to straight members, more than gays regarding creating a strong environment for all people to thrive. See my testimony later on below.) Bottomline: I must respect everyone's journey and agency as equally valid to my own. Despite God revealing universal commandments, salvation is an individual pursuit. It's my job to learn what it actually means to help others another along the way. (I submit that it doesn't mean convert everyone to my specific chosen path.)
- In the final moments of Benji's interview, he said, "When you live in a society that preaches, 'we're heavenbound,' you [may] need to go through Hell to figure out [what] route you need to take." For me, one of Benji's biggest messages is that at the end of the day, people must do what they feel is right; and that feeling ultimately comes from inside one's self rather than from religious mores or extrinsic source.
- I must quit judging. I've been forced to ask myself who carries the heavier sin: the one who loves differently, or the one who hates the one who loves differently?
- I just thought of a tough question to answer: Would I accept and endorse a close friend's decision to leave the Church after he or she knew it was true? My black and white answer is, yes, because it's their life, and I am their friend regardless of what choices they make. Personally, I believe less joy is found living outside gospel teachings. But, ultimately, that doesn't matter in this circumstance. If I were my friend's bishop, I would pour out love, and honor the individual's choice. Ben Schilaty revealed in one of his blog posts, "I would have rather been dead and straight than alive and gay." If my friend or family member felt they needed to commit suicide to escape the pains of staying in the Church, I would absolutely encourage them to leave. Life is dynamic and too darn precious! Death is final.
- I've put more time and energy into writing this post than on anything else on this blog. The hours I've spent dedicating my mind and heart to this subject have already begun to bare fruit. I feel more forgiving toward those who have wronged me. I feel more unified with friends and even strangers. I feel relieved to finally be addressing an issue I've been ignoring for years. I also feel closer to the Lord and His will for me.
- Side note: video podcasts can be extremely powerful storytelling mediums. I should expose myself to more people's stories.
- My journey of self-discover feels a lot like Hayden Panettiere's journey regarding race in Remember the Titans. In that film, she started out as a bigoted little girl whose belief system was supported (nay, encouraged) by her community, but by the end, found harmony and unity through her experience with Coach Boone and his football team.
Gay (SSA) ≠ Sinner
I disagree with the use of the proverb, "hate the sin, love the sinner," as it is commonly applied to sexual orientation. It supports the unpalatable premise that people have control over their attraction. (I bought into that narrow-minded belief at one point, but after many heart-to-heart talks with gay friends, I can no longer believe it could be that simple.)When you think about it, this belief is similar to the one held by the Jews of the New Testament, who shunned the blind for their physical malady as it was popularly thought to have been a result of the sins of their fathers. (E.g., this is a bit of a leap, but it could be compared to someone who identifies as gay being sinful because his/her father sexually abused him/her or was claimed to be born that way.) It seems reasonable to me that you would have to be able to choose something in order for it to be a sin. Now, if those biblical blind people leveraged their infirmities to get close to people so that they could rob or murder them, that would be a sin. Likewise, people can feel however they want to feel. Sin is found in entertaining and acting on inappropriate thoughts. (Granted, unchecked feelings can lead to sinful thoughts, which can lead to sinful acts.) My point is that a person must not be judged for a sexual orientation they have no power over.
If someone were to embrace a "gay lifestyle," it could mean different things to different people. "Embrace" is a tricky word. If embrace meant that a person were to own their identity as gay, I don't see that as a sin at all. (Again, I have to remind myself that I'm not their judge, even if it is in support of someone.) But if a person were to have sex with someone outside of a marriage relationship, regardless of one's sexual orientation, that would be a clear sin to me, regardless of one's sexuality. So, does kissing count as a sin? The same rule applies to all; kissing can be a slippery slope, but nope—not sin. At the end of the day, I need to continue to remind myself that it's not my place to judge others' life choices. Whatever others embrace, I need to embrace them.
Conversion Therapy
As a total side note, I believe conversion therapy is a hateful, harmful act that has never led to "success," as supported by John Dehlin's research cited below.- Research on SSA by John Dehlin, PhD Student at USU, presented at the 2012 Sunstone Symposium — One of the most alarming statistics I discovered is found about 50 minutes into the recording: Zero percent of sample size [n=1600+] indicated that their SSA went away through psychotherapy, personal righteousness, or individual effort. A few minutes later, we get another very interesting finding: Almost half of the 750 men interviewed indicated that they have experienced a spiritual manifestation of acceptance of their SSA.
Let's Make the Church a Safer Place
Members of the LDS faith need to put aside their imperfect understanding of issues we do not understand. Instead, what if we followed the second great commandment in the Gospel of Christ—to love our fellow man. Everyone deserves respect and to feel welcome in the Kingdom of God on earth, and we Latter-day Saints are the ones to welcome them; it is our baptismal covenant duty.While the "Benjis of the world" are working on their relationships with God and finding peace and happiness with themselves, here's a question for the rest of the LDS membership to chew on: How can we make it less dangerous (as Benji stated toward the end of the interview) for gays to fellowship with members inside the Church, as opposed to outside? This might be a good topic for discussion in ward counsel.
If you are gay, or feel shunned for your sexuality, and have considered leaving the Church, here's my message for you:
Please don't leave; you are needed in the Church. If you leave, we will degrade into a homogeneous, intolerant, self-righteous, atrophied body of Christ that will fail to adequately prepare us for the eternal realms. We need one another—all people—especially because we are different.
You possess incredible gifts and perspective, which we need. You have so much to offer—even if it's just your presence. As a Church, I feel like we are slowly making an effort to overcome our culture of fear and judgment, but we can't continue to progress without you. How can we call ourselves saints if we have no practice of loving others?
And believe it or not, you need us too. Despite having felt grossly offended, either by a member or by a Church policy, we need you to get better. As we navigate this period of social acceptance, please risk potential scorn by allowing Church members to practice knowing and loving you.
Admit it or not, we are all members of an eternal family—spirit children of Heavenly Parents. We are in this mortal mess together. And we will be together again one day. If you can, think of this moment in Church history as if you were being put in timeout with an obstinate brother or sister. Our omniscient Heavenly Father loves you and me. He knows perfectly that we will eventually learn to truly love one another. Avoiding dialogue now only prolongs the feelings of darkness and hurt. As we culturally assimilate under the doctrines of Christ, we will one day discard the labels of gay and straight inside the Church and just think of ourselves as saints and children, all striving to return home.
The Gospel of Jesus Christ as it Relates to SSA
I was raised in the Church and am assuredly still harboring some incorrect beliefs of which I am not even aware. With that humility, I will share my current convictions on the subject of same-sex attraction, especially as it relates to being a faithful member of the LDS church.
Human sexuality and gender are central to God's plan. (I think many Latter-day Saints add their biased interpretation to what the Proclamation to the World on the Family says. We need to be more careful about what the Proclamation doesn't say.) As mortal men and women, we are respectively endowed with the godly powers of procreation. Why? I believe it's because we were created in the image of our Heavenly Parents with the potential to become like Them. The opportunity to experience intimacy within marriage relationships and providing physical vessels for God's spirit children here on earth, thereby establishing eternal family units of our own, is not everyone's purpose. Our common goal is to give our lives over completely to Christ for as long as we're on this beautiful, but accursed earth.
I still have questions. Sometimes, in this life, boys like boys, and girls are attracted to girls; and I'm fine with that. Human biology is mysterious. I don't know how that seemingly aberrant behavior fits into God's plan for each of our overarching developments. I honestly feel frustrated by the lack of prophetic direction gays receive on how God encourages them to play their agency cards while in mortality. And what the heck happens to those SSA feelings beyond the grave? All that said, I trust that there is purpose in it and satisfying answers are to be had. And like all earthly challenges, we can learn and grow from them, and eventually come to terms with them through Christ alone (1 Cor. 10:13).
If you are not gay, imagine with me that SSA is, at least to some degree, not up to the individual. Are you able to empathize with how terrible it would be to deal with that reality in our current cultural and religious climate? How would your self-worth cope with being told that you don't belong in a million little ways day by day? The struggle of needing to reconcile one's personal Christian beliefs and feelings of SSA feels like a Sisyphean task—a source of seemingly pointless and unending frustration. I've heard some conservative (ignorant/judgmental) Christians remark that SSA is a punishment of some kind, similar to how the Pharisees of the New Testament viewed their blind and leprous. But I reject the idea that God curses his children with mortal trials. God loves his children; He would never intentionally cause them pain without purpose.
So what, then, is God's purpose for same-sex orientation? I would argue that the answer is more simple than we might imagine—it's the same purpose as everyone else: come unto Christ and learn to be His disciple.
Assuming God wants all of his children to have families, why would God permit SSA when it seems to oppose the fundamental tenets of His plan? I don't know. Maybe our understanding of God's plan isn't as focused on families as we'd like to believe. Perhaps earthly families are better viewed as a tool to bring us closer to Christ, rather than a commandment that must be followed between ages X – Y. Maybe, in consideration of all those who died as infants or lived with terrible infirmities, the main purpose of life is simply to receive a body. Our "mortal probation" may just be a bonus opportunity for us to calibrate our souls with heaven.
Some may say, "Life is just too hard!" For me, it is comforting to know that I will not be commanded to run faster than I am able (Mosiah 4:27) or given a temptation that God knows I cannot conquer (1 Cor. 10:13). Assuredly, "all that is unfair about life can be made right through the atonement of Jesus Christ." (Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service (2004), 52.) That does not mean there is always a "cure," but thanks to Christ's Atonement, there is always One who is ready to succor us in our need for support.
But, assuming my will [agency] is aligned with God's, why can't I just ask for a priesthood blessing to have my dissenting mind/body fall in line? To that question, I don't have the answer. At this point, you're guess is probably better than mine. But I do believe there is a purpose known to God. And that our Heavenly Parents' love extends infinitely through time and space. No matter how far we temporarily distance ourselves from Them, They will never give up on us. And neither should we give up on ourselves. "Since God is love, the closer we approach Him, the more profoundly we experience love.”
My heart goes out to those who have been ravaged by their experience with SSA and by the ostracism that tragically seems to accompany it; I can't begin to imagine what that fight is like. But, like everyone, I experience challenges of my own—one of which is the Promethean task of replacing my apathetic and judgmental nature with one of charity (Moroni 7:45). I can do this, in part, by not permitting my fear of SSA to keep me from loving, including, and fighting for my fellow man. I think the key to this effort will be to first identify and then communicate why every person is needed. We experience more hope when we find synergy in our faith as we wade through life's trials together. Elder Oaks succinctly put it this way: "The gospel is a gospel of hope. The atonement is the greatest possible ingredient of hope. And love is the minister of hope."Should there be a need to reconcile one's LDS faith and experiencing SSA? While an excruciating painful trial in our cultural milieu, I believe SSA is something we knew we might face when we decided to keep our first estate as heavenly spirits, and we decided to come anyway. There is no question in my mind that this unfortunate reconciliation is a trial of faith. But it is a reality, and if you want to stay in Christ's church, it is something that must be wrestled with. It must be natural for those who struggle with this reconciliation to think, "If I only stopped believing in the Plan of Salvation, my life would be SO much easier!" To that, I can only reply, "I am so sorry that you feel the need to even have to make that choice." My deepest prayer is that your life's journey is no longer stigmatized but looked upon with love and understanding, just as any other trial would be.
Additional Resources I've looked at on the topic of SSA:
- The Love of God - (President Uchtdorf in the Oct 2009 LDS General Conference) This talk is my new favorite sermon on learning to love others.
- God Loveth His Children: An official Church publication in 2007
- Mormonsandgays.org — This site feels like the Church's first attempt at reaching out and listening to the LGBTQ community. "It’s important to have…a little patience and to begin to talk and begin to listen and begin to try to understand better. We lose nothing by spending time together, by trying to understand, even where there’s no agreement on a course to follow at the moment or how to respond or how to react." —Elder Christofferson
- LDS.ORG Topical Guide on Same-Gender Attraction
- LDS Newsroom: Interview With Elder Dallin H. Oaks and Elder Lance B. Wickman: “Same-Gender Attraction”, December 2012
- LDS Newsroom: Same-Sex Attraction, January 2013
- Mormon.org FAQ on Homosexuality
- Helping Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
- When a Loved One Struggles with Same-Sex Attraction by A. Dean Byrd, assistant commissioner of LDS Family Services.
- BYU CAPS Group Counseling
- This psychotherapy group is designed to provide a space for students who identify as LGBTQ+ or who experience same-sex attraction to openly discuss their sexuality and how it intersects with their faith. We strongly value agency and an individual’s right to self-determination. We also recognize the complexities that arise in trying to reconcile these two important aspects of identity. In groups, we encourage students to thoughtfully explore their identities, help support one another in their individual journeys, and work toward psychological health.
- Evergreen — Support group unofficially sponsored [subsidized] by the LDS Church.
- Northstar LDS —LGBTQ support group for LDS members
- Mormon Stories Podcast — Dedicated to exploring, celebrating, and challenging Mormon culture in constructive ways.
- Youth Paster Article on reconciling traditional Christian dogma with reality.
- Ben There, Done That — Ben Schilaty's incredible blog about how he has successfully reconciled being a gay LDS Temple worker.
- "My last name is pronounced shi-LAD-ee (roughly rhymes with beef patty). I study social work and teach Spanish at BYU. I love puns, cacti, eating out, and good punctuation in text messages. I'm a lifelong Mormon and I'm gay."
- MACKLEMORE & RYAN LEWIS - SAME LOVE feat. MARY LAMBERT
Just Some Quotes on Happiness That Give Me Hope:
- President David O. McKay was fond of quoting the poet Robert Browning, who said, “There is an answer to the passionate longings of the heart for fullness, and I knew it, and the answer is this: Live in all things outside yourself by love, and you will have joy. That is the life of God; it ought to be our life. In him, it is accomplished and perfect, but in all created things, it is a lesson learned slowly and through difficulty.” (Quoted in Stepping Stones to an Abundant Life, comp. Llewelyn R. McKay, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1971, p. 119.)
- “Happiness does not always require success, prosperity, or attainment. It is often the joy of hopeful struggle, the consecration of purpose, and energy to some good end. Real happiness ever has its root in unselfishness—its blossom in love of some kind” (William George Jordan, The Crown of Individuality, 2d ed., New York: Fleming H. Revell Co., 1909, pp. 78–79).
- “If ye keep my commandments, ye shall abide in my love. … These things I have spoken unto you, that my joy might remain in you, and that your joy might be full.” (John 15:10–11).
- “And it came to pass that there was no contention in the land, because of the love of God which did dwell in the hearts of the people. “And there were no envyings, nor strifes, nor tumults, nor whoredoms, nor lyings, nor murders, nor any manner of lasciviousness, and surely there could not be a happier people among all the people who had been created by the hand of God.”
- (4 Ne. 1:15–16. Italics added.)
Thanks for sharing your "Mormon Story," and for being willing to be so raw and personal. My experience with SSA mirrors yours pretty well--starting with ignorance, moving on to avoidance, and now some empathy with the desire to become even better at loving. My initial reaction is that voluntarily cutting oneself off from the church is not ultimately good for anyone, but I'll need to ponder that some more. Everything else you say is spot on with my thoughts, feelings and experiences.
ReplyDeleteJeff—Thanks for leaving your thoughts. (Yours were MUCH more succinct than mine!) I'm glad to know my experience wasn't unique.
ReplyDeleteI wanted to go back and turn this self reflection into something more accessible for the general public, but I'm too exhausted. I guess the post has now come full circle...
Reread this years later and really love your thoughts. Especially poignant given the recent policy changes. You are an excellent writer!
ReplyDelete