Writer's Heaven vs. Hell

Being a writer, he is quite naturally curious about Heaven and Hell. So upon meeting Saint Peter at the pearly gates, he asks if it would be possible to visit Hell brieﬂy before ascending to Heaven. Saint Peter, obliging as ever, is happy to grant the writer’s request. In a ﬂash, they arrive in writer’s Hell where they feast their eyes upon thousands of writers planted in front of thousands of typewriters, arranged in rows as far as the eye could see, a damp, dark, foul place, full of the overpowering stench of decomposition and putrefaction. "Just as I expected," says the writer to Saint Peter. "I’m ready to see Heaven now."

In a ﬂash, they arrive in writer’s Heaven where they feast their eyes upon thousands of writers planted in front of thousands of typewriters, arranged in rows as far as the eye could see, a damp, dark, foul place, full of the overpowering stench of decomposition and putrefaction. "But this is the same as Hell," the writer objects. "Not at all," says Saint Peter. "Their work is published.”

—Rod Heimpel, written 1999

Source: Legitimizing Electronic Scholarly Publication: A Discursive Proposal (published 2005)

My source: Dr. Richard West's presentation on How to Publish (retrieved Pi Day, 2013)
Dedicated to all you budding academics out there.

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