 |
| Image Source: iTunes |
I Think I've Got A Screw Loose
When I talk with my family about the girls I date, they get really excited for me. But I can quickly shut down their enthusiasm by adding, "she's a beautiful girl, but I'm not attracted to her." And here's the crazy part (which is never verbalized, but is evident after I share all the great things I think about her) In every case, without exception, the woman in question is way out of my league.
Only a crazy person would look at my dating record and not arrive at the conclusion that I am crazy for not having pulled the trigger before now. My "beauty meter" must be skewed. And I blame the media & pop culture!
Like every other male blinded by pop culture, I measure women against a vague
standard of perfection (by which they are eliminated from my dating pool soon as I met them). Historically, it's a pageant of sorts, where women are scored in a number of categories, resulting in an accumulative score. Whomever has the highest score, I pursue a relationship with. But my problem isn't just my perception of beauty, it's my own pride. Somehow, I feel worthy to be their judge.
The Perfect LDS Girl
I sense a lot of young, single adult guys are looking for the same thing: We simply want to
follow God's will in finding a wife — that's all — oh yeah, and we also want a
modest version of the Cosmo girl. And, well, we don't want her to be too needy.
Oh, and she also needs to be smart — really smart. And, of course, she needs to be spiritually
mature (you know, like me — preferably beyond me). And one more thing: we want her to have a cool and
fun personality (whatever that means).
In other words, we are all looking for the perfect LDS girl
— not a real woman.
Of course, I understand what a real woman is like. I grew up in a
Christian home with lots of real women around, each of them imperfect in one
way or another, yet fully feminine. These women had opinions, unshakable faith,
curves, feelings, hormonal surges, weight fluctuations, talents, bristly leg hair, and a
regular need for affirmation. It didn't bother me: It was part of who they
were, and I loved them for it.
But when it comes to prospective mates, I'm not so gracious.
I figure I deserve to have the best qualities of every woman wrapped into a
nice package, waiting at the end of a rainbow. And yet, despite meeting dozens
of women along my quest, I haven't found that "perfect her" yet. But that hasn't deterred me from looking (despite the fact that I'm not a perfect guy).
What would I do if I did find her? It is illogical for an imperfect guy to expect something from a woman that he himself can't give. It makes sense that I should stop holding out and commit to one of the girls in front of me, but I don't like the concept of settling. I'm so conflicted even as I write this post!
What would I do if I did find her? It is illogical for an imperfect guy to expect something from a woman that he himself can't give. It makes sense that I should stop holding out and commit to one of the girls in front of me, but I don't like the concept of settling. I'm so conflicted even as I write this post!
What Can I Learn from Jesus' Example (from a borrowed sermon)
No one in his right mind ever marries a woman he doesn't find beautiful. And it was no different with Jesus, the Bridegroom. Except for one problem. We aren't attractive. In our sin and rebellion, we are downright ugly. So what's up with Jesus?
After pondering Ephesians 5:25-27, I understand that Jesus
didn't come to earth looking for a beautiful bride, then go back to heaven disappointed
because no one lived up to His standards. No, He worked actively creating
beauty through His Atonement and the power of the Gospel. He gave His
life so that whoever repents of their sin and puts their faith in His finished
work on the cross might become part of His dazzlingly beautiful bride. It's a
promise He made, and it's a promise He will keep.
As Christian men we can't do what Christ did, nor do we need
to. But we are called to be like Him. That means we need to stop being beauty
critics and get busy creating, honoring and guarding real beauty in the women
around us. How do we do that? We do it by appreciating women who resemble
Christ more than a Vogue model. Men make women beautiful. We do it by encouraging modesty rather than
sexiness. We do it by extending grace to imperfect bodies and flawed
personalities. We do it by rejecting the worldly values of beauty that lead
women to starve themselves or spend a small fortune on clothes.
Learning Humility
Do I have eyes to see the physical beauty that God is creating in the LDS women around me as He conforms them to the image of Christ? I know that as I focus on my own personal love of God, the godly traits in the women I date will become more beautiful to me. I must let go of my worldly concept of beauty and replace it with a godly love of beauty. I need to avoid worldly media and passively accepting cultural standards of beauty. I need to surround myself with better examples.
Striving daily to develop an attraction to Christ-like beauty needn't be a chore. If I'm dating correctly, I ought to feel relaxed and enjoying life — leaving those I date feeling comfortable, honored and
beautiful. I need to see her as a daughter of the King rather than looking down on her as another
prospective contestant.
Essentially, I need to love her for who she is, leaving
behind my self-appointed job as a adjudicator in an impossible-to-win pageant. I need to stop waiting for "Miss Perfect" and take action as a creator/recognizor of beauty. I need to get out there and take up the responsibility of making someone really, truly forever beautiful. And then pray she finds me attractive, too.
The Moral
Attraction is the power that draws men and women together. So be careful what you allow to become attractive to you. What do you value? How do you spend your time? What do you find/make beautiful?
Comments
Post a Comment
Please share your thoughts.