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Dating Lessons from Season 16 of The Bachelor, Ep.5


  • It's reassuring for a woman to hear her man be very vocal about his emotions in response to what she is saying and doing.  She looks to him for that reassurance. "Manly" stoicism is not attractive to most women.  Keep her in the loop on what's going on in your mind; even if it's just basic stuff.  (E.g. respond frequently with "I like that.")
  • Men: Never presume to know how a woman is feeling, has felt or will feel.  E.g. When breaking up, never say, "I can't imagine how you are feeling."  Don't even place yourself in your partner's shoes for a moment!  Instead focus on expressing your own intentions. Instead say, "The very idea of hurting you makes me feel terrible."
  • Time is precious.  My time is precious.  
    • Here's the background I'm drawing this from—In episode 5, set in Puerto Rico, all the women who made it to the top 10 seemed to agree that there is nothing more precious than personal time with the individual they are interested in.  Back at the start, everyone was just happy to be there.  They were thrilled at the idea of being on the show.  In the next phase, the common desire was to size up the competition.  They liked showing off and forming opinions.  Now, five weeks into it, the women have comfortably defined themselves in relation to the others.  The obvious choices have already been dismissed.  Only the real competition is left.  They have all come to realize, if they don't spend that special one-on-one time with Ben, the others will.  
    • Application—I spend group time with a lot of girls, but I don't have that urgency that each one of those girls on the show feels. (And unlike most of the fake emotions that are caught on camera, these desires seem genuine to me.)  I'm a little jealous of that feeling.
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