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The Twilight [Walmart] Zone

This story is horrifying.

I went to Walmart specifically to buy a particular blu-ray disk and a special brand of potato chips. You should know,  I have some history with Walmart. I've never really been comfortable browsing the Wally-world isles.  However, since the fateful day that I stumbled upon the first few seconds of an objectifying and degrading music video about men going to Walmart to pick up loose women, I haven't set foot in one.  That video scarred me.

So now, I'm afraid of Walmart.  It's a weird, personal phobia.

Anyway, I purposefully navigated my way to the movie section and was calculating the most-direct route to the chips when it happened—the 2-year-old in the shopping cart next to me started baying at the moon-like, incandescent lights above us like a little wolfcub.  At first, I was disarmed by the cuteness.  Then, almost immediately, I was taken back by the sound of a piercing return-howl from a slightly older sounding wolf-wannabe in the next isle over.

After a few enchanting exchanges, I was enjoying myself.  "I never get this type of entertainment at the other places I shop!" I thought to myself.  However, the cuteness rapidly turned dark when adults started chiming in.

That's right folks.  Adults.  The howling caught on like some freakish, flash-mob event. (Unfortunately, this was NOT a flash mob.)  I left the chips isle and b-lined it for checkout.  As the pandemic grew, I became genuinely frightened.  If shoppers so readily abandoned their inhibitions like that, what other breaks in social norms and rules of propriety need I worry about?

Upon leaving the store, I never looked back and I vowed to myself—even if the movie I just purchased as awful, I would not return it...

Perhaps it was the dress code that caused all the werewolves come out?  Here's a rule of bum thumb: if you can fit more than two words across, your booty shorts, wear something else.


Comments

  1. I've totally seen that music video, and then made a mental note not to trust the person who showed to me and laughed the whole time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That video is the stuff nightmares are made of [shutter].

    ReplyDelete

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