Brené Brown: Authenticity > Perfection

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Over the last two weeks, I've become a huge Brené fan.  I can't stop analyzing the broad ramifications of her principles on worthiness.

Vulnerability

"What makes you vulnerable also makes you beautiful," says Brene Brown, a professor at the University of Houston who touches on some key issues related to her work on vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame in a recent presentation at TEDxHouston.

Where There is No Connection, There is No Meaning

We are hardwired for connection, says Brown. Yet all too often, connection — in relationships, in classrooms, etc. — is missing. Why? Fear is a big reason why we fail at making connections. We fear many things, but mostly we fear that if we put our true self "out there" for all to see we will expose our self-doubt and our private worries about whether or not we are really "good enough" or worthy of the connection. What we may fear most of all is allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, but without vulnerability there can be no true human-to-human connection. Vulnerability is risky by definition, and most of us have been educated to minimize risk wherever possible. Yet, you can not have true connection without allowing yourself to be vulnerable. This is true for virtually any kind of relationship: teacher-student, master-apprentice, coach-player, boss-subordinate, presenter-audience, and on and on. It applies obviously to more intimate relationships among friends, and other loved ones as well. Where you hesitate and hold back, no connection can be created, and in a deeper sense, this hesitation to allow ourselves to be vulnerable is a source of much dissatisfaction and disharmony in our lives.

The Courage to Be Imperfect

In her presentation, referenced above, Brown touches on what she calls "wholehearted people," people who feel worthy of love and belonging. Those who avoid vulnerability at all cost may do so because, at least at some level, they feel unworthy. Some of the things that "wholehearted" people have in common, Brown says, is (1) the courage to be imperfect, (2) the compassion to be kind to themselves, and (3) the ability to let go of the idea of who they are "suppose to be." We are by our very nature imperfect, but that imperfection is what makes us human. The ability to allow ourselves to be imperfect and vulnerable in our personal and professional relationships is the very thing that can open our world up to the possibility of deeper connections and more meaningful engagement with others. ("Worthiness" slide is from Dr. Brown's presentation.)

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p.s. The Turnberry Apartments in Millcreek, Utah just started its own Thursday night chapter of TED, called TEDxTurnberry. Email them at mitenight@gmail.com them for a schedule of upcoming events.