How Regularly Does This Happen?
The last time I urinated on myself was in 2006. It was three years ago almost to the day. I remember it very well, because, urinating on one's self is a very memorable event. I was standing in my Raintree apartment in Provo, UT wearing my charcoal three-piece, pin-striped suit.The events which led up to the mishap are foggy. My thought immediately preceding the indecent was how extraordinarily long and low-set my zipper was on my trousers. The next thing I knew, my "firefighters" let go of "the hose" and it went zipping around the inside my pants.
Fortunately, it was the end of the night, so I didn't have to explain to my date why I had to switch suits.
Flash-forward to 2009! Yesterday, I was standing up using the toilet in my Oakridge apartment in Logan, UT, minding my own business. When all of a sudden, my free hand casually moves in front of my golden stream.
Splash! Trickle, Drip, Drip, Drip!
I was wet. The most aggravating part of the situation was that I couldn't react to what had just happened. I just stood there cursing myself while I finished up. How klutzy am I, seriously? There is no excuse, nor explanation for what occurred. I've written it off as a complete fluke.
Will it ever happen again? Positively. But I should be safe until sometime around September of 2012.
The Rant
What's the worst thing that could happen when you are alone in the restroom?Short of messing yourself, there is nothing I hate worse than finding your shoe untied in front of a urinal.
I'm a hand-washer. I wash my hands. I do it whenever I think there is a chance that nasty germs have been communicated to me. As a general rule, wash my hands under in the following situations:
-Sometimes before and always after using the restroom.
-Before I eat. Especially in restaurants.
-Anytime I open a bunch of doors.
-When I shake hands with more than 6 people.
-Strip-clubs.
-Anything related to scouting.
-After I even see anyone picking their nose.
-Dancing.
-Before I rub my eyes, nose or mouth.
-I was just kidding about the strip-clubs...
I never wash afterward.
As a direct result, I'm positive I have escaped many potential illnesses over the last many years.
Now, let me explain why I hate finding my shoe laces untied while visiting the toilet. No matter what you touch with your hands, whether it be cleaning a seat or wiping up afterward, you can always wash your when it's all done. BUT YOU CAN'T WASH SHOE LACES! Imagine it. You're standing in front of a male urinal. You know that at least 10% of the tinkles deposited by guys who stood there before you is now puddled and dried on the very spot your untied laces are now resting. They're soiled. Forever. You're eventually going to have to touch it. You can try to tie, and then wash. But you still know. You're paranoid that one of your shoes actually feels heavier now that the lace has been soaked in urine.
It ticks me right off. My next 10 minutes of life are complete ruined, consumed by thoughts of nothing else.
Pics of Restroom Mishaps
If you click on this pic, you may regret it.
"Plassen" means "Pee" in Dutch. But I still don't understand the advertisement. I saved this pic because it reminds me to take good care of my nice clothes.
Yeah. He's doing what you think he's doing. Even his sibling seems ashamed of him.
This could be a trick, but for some reason, I don't think it is.
Knock, Knock.
BTan, this is one of your most enjoyable posts to date, and that last picture caused spontaneous laughter. Thank you. Some people might be offended by such a post but I thought it was dead on. Carry on my friend.
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