A Collection of Star Trek Jokes

The really funny thing about this post is that I thought they were funny. Many of you know that I watch Star Trek before I go to bed. Sometimes, I watch 2 episodes in one night. Right now, I'm finishing up season 4 of Star Trek TNG.

It's safe to say that, at this point, that I am a "TREKKER". This term is not to be confused with a "TREKKIE". There is a significant difference. Allow me to clarify with a few examples:

• A Trekker loves watching the show, nitpicking and discussing it with friends.
• A Trekkie loves watching those documentaries filmed aboard the Enterprise.

• A Trekker thinks that it is a shame that, after this new movie, the show is coming to an end.
• A Trekkie thinks that it is a shame that the crew is being reassigned and the Enterprise is being decommissioned.

• A Trekker has a Starfleet Academy window sticker on his car.
• A Trekkie is cramming for the entrance exams.

Note: These jokes below span the Original and TNG series. (If you don't find the first few funny, give up. They don't get any better.)

Question: Where do Star Trek fans go to lift weights?
Answer: The "He's dead, Gym"!

Question: How many ears does Picard have?
Answer: Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.

Question: What did Picard say as Data struggled to repair the Marclosian Stitching Machine?
Answer: "Make it sew."

Question: What did the first officer answer when Picard asked "Why did you let Troi win at poker?"
Answer: "Because I Riker."

Question: What did the blonde Klingon say?
Answer: "It was a good day to dye."

Question: What is Thomas Riker's dating philosophy?
Answer: "If at first you don't succeed, try Troi again."

Question: What do you get if you cross a borg with a black magic marker?
Answer: A borg with a big black X on it.

Question: What did Worf say when small ice asteroids began hitting the Enterprise hull?
Answer: "Captain, we are being hailed."

Question: Why are Beverly Crusher, Worf, and Deanna Troi similar?
Answer: Because one's a Doc, one's a Worf, and one's a Marina.

Question: Did you hear about the singing contest for young men at Starfleet Academy?
Answer: It's called the Kirk Tenor Prize.

Question: How many of the Enterprise's senior officers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: All of them. One to screw it in, and the rest to debate the moral implications.

Question: What did LaForge say when his girlfriend asked him what to wear on their date?
Answer: "I'm BLIND!"

Question: What did Lore use to kill Data's cat?
Answer:Spot remover.

Question: What do you call it when that Strategic Operations Officer on DS9 runs as fast as he can?
Answer: Worf Speed.

Question: What did the senior staff of DS9 sing when Kira was packing to leave at the beginning of "The Circle"?
Answer: Nana, Nana . . . Nana, Nana . . . Hey, hey, hey, goodbye!

Question: Did you hear that the crew of the Enterprise is getting married?
Answer: They have engaged the Borg.

Question: Did you hear that Jonathan Frakes is starring in a remake of an old James Bond movie?
Answer: It's called Moonriker.

Question: How many TOS landing party members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but the extra red-shirt will die in the attempt.

Question: How many Voyager crew members does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Answer: However many it takes, you can be sure a shuttlecraft will be destroyed during the attempt.