"The mission of our family is to be an eternal family by building loving, uplifting relationships with each other..." —First line of The Tanner Family Mission Statement
Loving, uplifting relationships don't keep a score of wrongdoings. Yeah, I said it! Love doesn't bring up past failures. No one is perfect. In families we do not always do the best, or right, thing. And we cannot erase the past. We can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future.
Having confessed my failure and asked forgiveness, I can do nothing more to mitigate the hurt it may have caused another member of my family. If I were wronged by a family member and she has painfully confessed it and requested forgiveness, I have two options: justice or mercy (forgiveness). If I choose justice and seek to pay her back for her wrongdoing, I am making myself the judge and her, the felon. At which point, truely loving relationships become impossible. If, however, I choose to forgive, loving family relationships may be fully restored. Forgiveness is the way of love.
I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with what they hold on to from the day before. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day. "I can't believe what you did! You can't possibly know how much you hurt me. How you can even live with yourself after treating my with such disrespect? This will be hard to forgive. Even if I could, I don't think I'll ever forget it." These are not words of love, but of bitterness and resentment and revenge.
We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. Yes, it happened. Certainly it hurt. And it may still hurt, even after your trespasser has acknowledged his or her failure and asked your forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy. Forgiveness is an expression of love. "I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow what has happened to come between us. I hope that we can learn from this experience. You are my [brother/sister], and together, we will go on from here." We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history.
Human failures ought not to necessarily be remembered with fondness. Nor should we completely forget the instances as God does. We are simply asked to "forgive all men" [DC 64:10]. In our personal quests for perfection, we are asked to choose to look upon one anothers' trespasses with Christ-like love. May we turn our failures into loving, uplifting experiences that we may step upward and move forward towards our great goal of becoming an eternal family.
P.S. In presenting this declaration, I did my best to avoid naming names, citing specific experiences, and worst of all, reigniting ill-will. I just felt that the family's health was strong enough for me to finally throw this out there for absorption.
Source The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Loving, uplifting relationships don't keep a score of wrongdoings. Yeah, I said it! Love doesn't bring up past failures. No one is perfect. In families we do not always do the best, or right, thing. And we cannot erase the past. We can only confess it and agree that it was wrong. We can ask for forgiveness and try to act differently in the future.
Having confessed my failure and asked forgiveness, I can do nothing more to mitigate the hurt it may have caused another member of my family. If I were wronged by a family member and she has painfully confessed it and requested forgiveness, I have two options: justice or mercy (forgiveness). If I choose justice and seek to pay her back for her wrongdoing, I am making myself the judge and her, the felon. At which point, truely loving relationships become impossible. If, however, I choose to forgive, loving family relationships may be fully restored. Forgiveness is the way of love.
I am amazed by how many individuals mess up every new day with what they hold on to from the day before. They insist on bringing into today the failures of yesterday and in so doing, they pollute a potentially wonderful day. "I can't believe what you did! You can't possibly know how much you hurt me. How you can even live with yourself after treating my with such disrespect? This will be hard to forgive. Even if I could, I don't think I'll ever forget it." These are not words of love, but of bitterness and resentment and revenge.
We can choose to live today free from the failures of yesterday. The best thing we can do with the failures of the past is to let them be history. Yes, it happened. Certainly it hurt. And it may still hurt, even after your trespasser has acknowledged his or her failure and asked your forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a feeling; it is a commitment. It is a choice to show mercy. Forgiveness is an expression of love. "I love you. I care about you, and I choose to forgive you. Even though my feelings of hurt may linger, I will not allow what has happened to come between us. I hope that we can learn from this experience. You are my [brother/sister], and together, we will go on from here." We cannot erase the past, but we can accept it as history.
Human failures ought not to necessarily be remembered with fondness. Nor should we completely forget the instances as God does. We are simply asked to "forgive all men" [DC 64:10]. In our personal quests for perfection, we are asked to choose to look upon one anothers' trespasses with Christ-like love. May we turn our failures into loving, uplifting experiences that we may step upward and move forward towards our great goal of becoming an eternal family.
P.S. In presenting this declaration, I did my best to avoid naming names, citing specific experiences, and worst of all, reigniting ill-will. I just felt that the family's health was strong enough for me to finally throw this out there for absorption.
Source The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
Wow Bry, that was really something! I for one am very glad that forgiveness comes so easily in our family. I love that we can just "press the reset button" and start over. Everyone does make mistakes.
ReplyDeleteThank you for being brave enough to share this. I hope to not pollute today with yesterday's problems.
ReplyDeleteForgiveness is difficult. Harboring grudges is ten times as hard.
Awesome. I am finally stealing some sleep time to check the blogs. You are all doing so well at them. I really feel like I am getting a peek into your souls. Thanks!! Even though I rarely comment, I do appreciate the effort and urge you all to continue. Bryan good for you in getting that all out. I hear and really appreciate the insight about forgiveness. I want you and all of the family to know I am not aware of anything any of you have done that I am harboring in any way. I love you and all the family so much! Thanks for your boldness. Let me know how that felt when finished... Love, Dad (logged in as mom)
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I didn't miss this one even though I am not able to check blogs very regularly this month while we are up to our elbows in boxes and messes! Very well stated and I couldn't agree more. Thank you all for trying to forgive and forget my foibles and just soz you know, there is nothing caught in my craw right now that I'm hanging onto...I know that every one is just trying to do the best they can! Love you mucho!!!
ReplyDelete