Dream Journal: French Star Wars Chase (April 9, 2008)

I was working in Paris (which looked like Madrid since I've never been to Paris) as a "Tourist Concierge". No one employed me. I just started doing it one day and people eventually started paying me for it. Essentially, my job including standing out at the busiest intersection of the street offer people assistance who looked lost. I became well known after only a couple of months. Rick Steves and other tourist gurus stopped writing chapters about Paris. Instead, they simply inserted a picture of me with the caption, "ask him anything."

One of my favorite clients was a Mrs. Hawthorne from New York. One of our conversations went something like this.

"Bertón?" (That is my name) "Where can I find the best asparagus in town this week?"

"Well Ms. H, the manager at Clareé's, Roberta, has a nephew in imports who would know exactly which restaurant ordered the freshest asparagus this week. You do remember Roberta don't you?"

"Oh yes B. She helped me with that Henry Russou dress fitting last month. You are a dear. What would I do without you?" (Slips me a ridiculously large bill from some foreign country.)

One of my most exciting days on the job was when 5 families from the Redmond 3rd Ward came out to visit Paris: The Tracys, Hallmarks, Cahoons and a couple others.

They were traveling together in a one of those huge, awkward packs. One of the daughters of the group was the flag bearer, I want to say it was Kali Tracy. She was also paying for everything in the group. I didn't know if she was incredibly wealthy or just responsible for everyone's money. Naturally, I gravitated close to her since she was also the decision maker of the group. I must say, they were incredibly organized. They had dinner reservations set up months in advance at a very fine, open air restaurant inside a large mall. I helped them to the mall entrance where Kali stood handing out 50 Euro Bills to each person in her group to pay for dinner. As the last person passed through the door, I thought, I wonder if she is going to invite me? She didn't--so I invited myself. I did it tactfully though. I even insisted on paying for dinner myself. Fortunately, she extended the courtesy of letting me sit by her and told me that she would cover my dinner if I would tell her more secrets about Paris while we ate.

(This is where it gets good.) We lost the group in the 6 story mall. (It was like the one in Hong Kong, but bigger--escalators everywhere.) After stopping to search the different levels with our eyes we thought we saw some of the group sitting down at a place that served burgers; a significant drop in dining experience.

To avoid escalator confusion, we made our way to the elevator. On our way there, I observed two sets of Star Wars fanatics who looked like they were acting out different scenes of the same play on different levels of the mall. "Wierd," I thought. At the elevator, we found Death Star Admiral, Grand Moff Tarkin, also waiting. (He must have just finished whatever he was doing.) I loved it--mostly because I had no idea what he was doing there!? Was this a fellow traveling performer? I stood uncomfortably close to him. He turned to me and opened his eyes wide. I thought he was going to hit me but he just waved his hands around.


"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm using my Chi to create some distance between us." He spoke smugly.

Just then, the elevator doors opened and fog poured out. I stepped in against a flood of Star Wars Stormtroopers. After struggling for a moment or two I let the rush of bodies carry me back out into the main area. The admiral and his guards had surrounded Kali and were dramatically questioning her as if she were Princess Leah.

At this point, I can't remember why she chased after the admiral, but assuming she was in trouble, I pursued them both. Down the elevators, through department stores, past people dining, we chased the mad admiral. Outside, Kali had stumbled and fell. We were going to lose him! In a desperate attempt to reach him, I screamed and shaped my hands into opposing cups, pressing them in an outward motion from my chest. "Hyiruken!" A large ball of energy moved like a wave deliberately towards the Admiral 20 meters ahead. Upon contact with my Chi ball, he was forced into a fountain of water giving me enough time to catch up to him. When he got out of the fountain he was sopping wet and had stopped running.


We were standing in the midst of an outdoor restaurant. I had my finger pointed at him.

"Now get out of here! I don't want to ever see you in this galaxy again!"

The dining crowd cheered & jeered the dripping Admiral as he drudged back inside the mall. The Cahoons were seated at one of the cheering tables nearby.


Different family members cried out to me, "That was great Bryan! You sure showed him! You didn't tell us you were an actor!?