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Instructions For When I'm in a Coma


Since I have no will or any legal document regarding my affairs, I wanted the following recorded somewhere: I only want to give myself 18 months on life-support/comatose before you pull the plug.
1 1/2 years is plenty of time for SOMETHING to happen. If it doesn't, then it doesn't and I die. (Come to think of it, 5 years might be a little generous.)

During that time, I do not expect daily visits. You can start out that way, but ween me off of it over a week or two. I think I'd only require seminal or even monthly visits. The way I see it, time is relative when you're under. As long as the visits are regular and not sparatic, I think my subconscious would pick up on the pattern. Visit too often, and I'd have nothing to look forward to.

Ideas of things you can do for me while I'm asleep:


  1. whisper secrets into my ear. I like to keep secrets safe for others.
  2. If you're allowed, hold my head. Give it a good scratch like you would a dog. I imagine I would be pretty itchy resting against those institutionalized pillows all day.
  3. Play Clair de Lune repetitively.
  4. Place really, really big poster of a flower up in my room somewhere it symbolize patient growth. (Get it?)
  5. Taunt me with some good smell food like fresh baked bread or some hot Thai cuisine. Make visiting me a special occasion that you get to treat yourself to a good meal.
  6. If you want to stay longer than to just say hello, you could read to me. My only condition is that you use different voices for the different characters. If it is a magazine article or something, just use a funny voice.


If one of you were bedridden instead of me, I would probably visit as often as possible--at least in the beginning. I know that may seem out of character to some of you but I've put a lot of thought into this. I would do it more for me, than for you. Grief is still a foreign thing to me. I've never mourned the unexpected loss of someone close to me. Sooner than later, you'd probably turn into a service project in my ward and a listening ear when I'm frustrated.

So let it be written.

Have a good day everyone. Be safe.

----------------
Listening to: Jordin Sparks - God Loves Ugly

Comments

  1. Yes, we'll be safe. You too. I think 5 years is WAY too long for me to be in a coma. Thanks for recording your wishes. That will be very fun for your kids to read later. Loved the taunting smells section.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Bryan,
    This was very interesting to read. I think my favorite part was treating ourselves a good smelling meal when we visit you. I will definitely read to you in funny voices if you are ever in a coma. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good to know. If I'm ever in a coma like that, just give me 1-2 years but I'd like the same things as you except maybe a foot rub or hold my hand instead of my head. And I prefer Canon in D to Claire de Lune.
    Thanks for thinking it through for us!

    ReplyDelete

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