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How Shall I Let a Girl Down Gently?

There are actually 2 girls in the ward who are currently wanting a piece of The B-Tan. I am not particularly interested in either of them.

Kat, one of the girls who bought Stef's contract in M7, is hoping I'll make a move. She has been putting out some signs so obvious that even I am picking them up. Last week, our FHE group filmed a short melodrama video which their apartment rigged so that I played the part of the good cowboy and she was the damsel in distress. The director ensured that we had more than one lovely-dovey scene.

Since then, the trail of love has been cold. It would be easy to wait it out and hope she gives up on account of attrition. Should I talk talk to her?

Ananda, red haired bookworm who studied Irish dance IN IRELAND, has also shown some interest this past week. I told her roommate a month ago that I had no interest in Ananda, but if she asked me out, I wouldn't tell her no. Well, last week, I made a remark during dinner group while one of her roommates was in earshot that I thought that if a girl wanted to be assertive and ask a guy out, she ought to do it under the pretense of "needing help with something," thereby giving the guy the impression that he is being a friend, and she gets some alone time with him. Sure enough, the next day, I get a message on the apartment phone from Ananda asking me to give her a call back. She then asked me if I would enjoy going to the Springville Art Gallery with her the next day. I, naturally, said I'd love to. We went and had a good time. Afterwards, we enjoyed lunch together; she cooked an amazing soup and I supplied the tuna sandwiches.

I'm a little freaked out by how "in to me" she seems. It's like whenever I have a conversation with her she widens her eyes and stares at me like Noelle's anti-social freshman roommate. She drops the obvious compliments. She comes early to ward prayer. It would be too mean not to say something to her. Maybe I should say, "you're great. you have these amazing qualities [so she still feels self-worth and continued confidence to ask out boys.] I had a great time with you, but I realized that I am really not available right now. I need to take some time for myself. So I won't be calling you up for a while." That still feels like leading her on. I really have no intention of seeing her again. Suggestions?

Comments

  1. I think I remember meeting Ananda somewhere one time. Who forgets a name like Ananda? I'm sorry you're getting chased when you don't want to be. I'd probably say something to her to avoid leading her on and in person is definitely better than any other form. Just try to be gentle...

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  2. Yeah, I think the best way would be to go after somebody you DO have interest in. Then, you'd have an air-tight alibi. Sorry about that. Even if you say, "the last thing I want to do is hurt you. You're a wonderful person. I am just not ready for a relationship right now."

    It still hurts. But thus is life.

    May you soon find a wife and be done with the dating game. Loving someone with your whole soul and sacrificing for them takes you out of yourself and puts your focus totally on how to serve and be more Christlike.

    Good luck!

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  3. I think Heather is right in that showing attention elsewhere gives the message laterally instead of a direct hit. When you make excuses about yourself everyone in the female grapevine hears them and you don't want to box yourself into a corner and be considered into yourself or not ready for a relationship. No one finds these issues easy-or pleasant...they are tough! We'll be pulling for you!
    (What does Handsome Rob say about this kind of dilemma? He must have an opinion or valuable experience..)

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  4. Bryan, the way I see it is like our old friend Aristotle once said so many years ago, "You learn by doing." In other words, go with your heart, if there are any sparks, encourage her. If not, discourage her. Very simple.

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