Tuesdays with Muerte

TL;DR I thought therapy aimed to point out errors in my thinking, but in truth, it was to help me feel okay with my imperfections. Why I Attend Group Counseling Thanks to a recommendation by my department chair, I learned that BYU offers free counseling services to full-time students through the  Counseling and Psychology Services (CAPS) Center  (CAPS). I initially got involved with CAPS because I wanted to understand why I was procrastinating on completing my dissertation. I began receiving individual counseling over a year ago. Soon after that, I found my way to a group class called "Group Processing." Group counseling was uncomfortable for me at first, mostly because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to get out of it. My whole life up to that point had been structured with purpose and explicit guidelines on how to get there. Group Counseling was like surviving an emotional jungle. There were no explicit expectations. It was an aboriginal walkabout while seated.  E...

Before We Can Love Others, We Must First Love Ourselves​ "I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be. Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people."  “When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.”  “We need to help people to discover the true meaning of love. Love is generally confused with dependence. Those of us who have grown in true love know that we can love only in proportion to our capacity for independence.” Loving Others Is an Effortful Acceptance of Who They Are Presently “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way...

I just ran across this satirical pic on Instagram, entitled, “the joys of singleness.” It got me reflecting upon my own journey through singleness and my recent transition to engagement. When I was single, I didn’t know what I was missing. As a pre-engaged person, I dated optimistically for years, but never completely felt ready for marriage. I felt contented with my personal growth & refinement. I naively thought I was chugging through life just fine on my own. This was until I felt the powerful benefits of enjoying an deep and meaningful connection with another, beautiful human being who shares similar fundamental views of the world, but still challenges me in other ways to view the world differently. I've now turned my once upside-down belief right-side up. I believe that close relationships are our primary means of personal awakening/growth. Being in a relationship is our ultimate spiritual path, not simply a outcome of spiritual practice. About two years ag...

TL;DR — For the past 20+ years, I have begun to slowly release my need for perfection. My first step was to recognize that perfection was neither possible nor healthy. I then began moving toward greater personal calm, enthusiasm for life, & productivity by practicing mindfulness while cultivating a growth mindset  philosophy by embracing imperfection . Introduction In an effort to make my blogposts more readable, I'm going to attempt to limit the content to "just the juicy, personal stuff" from now on. (I.e., No more meanderings through topics.) This post has three sections. Each one includes a key phrase that serves as a snapshot of how I viewed my relationship with perfectionism during 3 different periods of my life. Additionally, I share a personal example to illustrate each key phrase. 1) I Need to Be Perfect "Please bless me to do my best in everything I do." This personal nightly prayer was one of the reoccurring events that solidified ...

Plot summary: Last night I dreamt I was a participant on a reality show run by heavenly angels and produced by atheists. (Weird things happened, and we had no idea what was going on, or why.)  We all lived in shared house, but I had a private bedroom with a connecting bathroom.  Every morning, I woke up to a mystery deuce in my toilet. Analysis: Without giving too much away, this plot is somewhat similar to the plot of  The Good Place  (starring Kristen Bell and Ted Danson on Netflix). I have been using that show as a procrastination technique to actively avoid working on my dissertation for the past couple of weeks ago. (I loved it! I felt really connected to Chidi, the moral philosopher.) Also, I've been worrying a lot about where I'm going to end up living this upcoming school year. In fact, the last thing I remember from last night is receiving a rental contract from my property manager. The poop aspect of the dream may...

Revelation 3:20 Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me. Introduction After participating in some thought-provoking LDS church meetings today, I felt a personal desire to allow Christ greater influence in my life. Prepared with an open heart ( 2 Nephi 33:1-2 ), I received two messages which motivated me to want to spend more time with God: The Problem During the first hour of our worship service, my mind caught hold of something shared by Madeleine Hoyt, a young woman in my ward. She felt that 90% of the messages she typically receives throughout her school day are from the Adversary, and that God’s messages only squeak through 10% of the time. She concluded that she needed to "make the most of those Godly messages.” I later discovered Madeleine‘s stat was inspired by an address by Elder Eyring in his April 1999 LDS General Conference entitled,  The Power of Tea...

Introduction This post is an exploration of the tension that exists between the two seemingly contradictory commandments, (a) Love thy neighbor as they self, and (b) sustain Church doctrine, officers, and policies. As Buddhists (and Stephen Covey) say, there is a "middle way" to the Christian dilemma of feeling like one must either love their neighbor or support the Church. Three Contemporary Examples of The "Love-Law" Paradox These three stories illustrate real-life struggles of people whom I know. When I hear emotionally-charged stories like these, my knee-jerk reaction is to hide from the controversial issue. (a) "The Church or My Sons" An LDS mother had two gay sons. After a few years of wrestling with supporting her sons' lifestyles while still supporting the teachings of the Church, she ultimately left the Church. While she claimed to have a number of other faith-based concerns, it seemed like her main concern stemmed from this one issue, and wh...