Tuesdays with Muerte

Intro If you're like me, buffets are a big deal. When I fail to cram as much food into my digestive system as possible before paying the bill, I feel like I've cheated myself. In other words, the higher my food-t0-dollar ratio, the wider my grin at the end of the meal. To prepare, I sometimes search online for  tips on how to   gorge  oneself . I recently found this gem, written by  Uncle Ben  on Quora ; I thought I'd pass it along. Photo by Ian Sane Week Before the Buffet Sign up today for  Tucanos Birthday club  at least 24 hours in advance. To maximize consumption on the day of the buffet, you must begin your stomach conditioning at least a week ahead of time. This means that, for at least one meal a day, you must eat till you're full (even if it's just bread).  Once you think you're full, drink as much water as you can. This stretches  your stomach for the upcoming feast.  As the big day approaches, do some bri...

"If life and its rushed pace and many stresses have made it difficult for you to feel like rejoicing, then perhaps now is a good time to refocus on what matters most."  —President Uchtdorf, October 2010 LDS General Conference Photo by Julie Pettit on Flickr . Executive Summary Slow down. It's okay not to "run faster than [you have] strength." Refocus on your four, key relationships—Ask, what matters most? See if you can't simplify your life a little. Remember, strength and joy come not from frantic activity, but from  paying attention to the divine things that matter most. Photo from  Deseret News . The Power of the Basics My dear brothers and sisters, we would do well to slow down a little, proceed at the optimum speed for our circumstances, focus on the significant, lift up our eyes, and truly see the things that matter most. Let us be mindful of the foundational precepts our Heavenly Father has given to His children that will esta...

I remember thinking, after reading the Old Testament for the first time, Man! When will the Children of Israel learn?! They keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. And as a result, complaining about life has turned into a cultural art form. Why don't they just remember what happened to them the last time they forgot Jehovah, built idols, and ended up in bondage? Surely, then, they would avoid repeating the choices that lead to negative consequences in the past. The answer is, because they are stupid ; just like us. What Does It Mean to Be Stupid? First, let's define stupidity .  Stupid  ( adj. ) — "having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things." In other words, society identifies stupid   people by their inability to recall and process information.  Chronically forgetful, dolts are doomed to repeat their mistakes again & again. They seem never to learn. I recognize my tautological fallacy in c...

Claim Homosexuality is normal and ought to be a perfectly acceptable lifestyle in society. I believe Moffett is pushing his liberal social and political agendas through the evolution of his popular television shows,  Sherlock  and  Doctor Who . This claim may not be a surprise to most liberal fans of  Steven Moffett's show, but it might be new for some conservative "Whovians" and "Sherlockians" out there. If you are liberal in nature, you might be like, "Awesome! Finally!" For conservative readers, my hope for you is that by reading this post you would at least acknowledge what liberal messages you are consuming. Consuming new and different ideas is not the danger.  In my opinion, the danger lies in the subconscious infiltration of ideas. Therefore, I lay no fault on Mr. Moffett for inciting mass social change through his genius. I lay the responsibility squarely on the shoulders of the mindless consumers of his media who believe without think...

First kiss. Scratch here, please. This man practices this 100x/day.  (I feel sorry for his wife.) Here, friend.  Try. Elf cooties. Hops. Me playing soccer. Rawr. Watch carefully.  This is sick. PNWD. Inspirational Quote: "Work until you no longer have to introduce yourself." —Unknown

Raffle Winner Goes AWOL one is my personal favorite.  Still not sure how he did it. I'm totally using Wireless Watering as a conversation starter in my technology class. Milking Almonds  was poignant.  This poor woman bit so hard, she was ready to quit her job and become a professional almond milker. Health Store Cannoli  was endearing.  The mark was the nicest man you'll ever meet. Over Grooming  is for Stef and Scott. "We need drinks after this one." Check out the entire playlist of Michael's videos on TruTV's YouTube Channel .

My FHE group's entry for the 2008 BYU 11th Ward Oscars. We lost. But it is still a treasured memory. Kat was a no-brainer for the role of the damsel in distress. I was always so nervous around her.  In the scene where we reunite for the first time, I had no idea what to do with my hands.  I remember thinking, "I should swing her around like those cabaret partners do at DanceSport." But then, instead of committing to the full-body-hug, I just locked my wrists to avoid any touching that could possibly get me in trouble with the BYU honor code office. (At least that was my justification.) #SIMPrespect My roommate, Brian Spencer (pictured above), was terrific in his role as Lester, the deed-owning banker.  Not only was his acting spot on as a vaudeville villain—he improvised the ENTIRE audio track on the piano.  If you listen closely, you can hear whispers throughout the track.  That's the cast giving Brian dynamics cues as we watched the video.  HE...