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Han is cool. Luke is a Dweeb.




Why is Luke Such a Dweeb?
There are many factors that led to Luke's Dweebism.  But ultimately, his point-of-no-return came during 5th movie, Empire Strikes Back.  Throughout the entire movie no matter what Luke is doing he is getting his butt kicked. He is beat up by that snow monster, crash lands a snowspeeder, gets freaked out by some weird creatures on Degaba, gets his hand cut off by Darth Vader, and for a finale he cries like a little girl. The only fight he wins is versus himself in that tripped-out cave and even then at least one Luke Skywalker loses. I am confident it was this movie that ruined Mark Hammel's career. He needs to take a page from Jason Stathum, never get beat up no matter what and always look tough. Sure he rebounds in the Return of the Jedi, but the damage is done. No actor has ever had a successful career after crying when finding out his father is Darth Vader.*
*Note: There is a very small sample size for this.

Why can't I be as cool as Han Solo?
Han Solo is the coolest person to ever live. It pains me to know I can never be as cool as him. Every night before I go to sleep I say this pray, "Dear God, please make me as cool as Han Solo. Give me a sweet blaster, an awesome spaceship, a Wookie best friend, and an 'I don't care' attitude that will allow me to hook up with a hot space princess one day. PS. Also, please help the starving orphans of the world. But if you can only choose one, please make me as cool as Han Solo."

*For more Star Wars questions that keep you up at night, click Casey Campbell (Casey's article contains mild swearing.)

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Comments

  1. NoelleWed Oct 28, 01:22:00 PM MDT

    fun post :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. HeatherWed Oct 28, 08:12:00 PM MDT

    Han is totally cool. And Luke, well the reason he didn't get the girl isn't only because she's his sister.

    Loved reading this, too funny.

    ReplyDelete

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