Tuesdays with Muerte

Two years ago, I didn’t feel anywhere close to being “marriage-ready.” Yet, as I write this, I’ve been happily married for eight months. What helped me take this big step? What changed? After much reflection, I’ve identified a few key factors. They all relate to specific limiting beliefs I once held (highlighted in red ). Identifying and replacing these beliefs was crucial for developing my confidence to thrive personally, build a meaningful future, and start a family.  Color Coding Lies: Unconscious, limiting beliefs that held me back from pursuing marriage. Truth: Conscious, empowering beliefs that helped me develop a healthy mindset preparatory for a successful marriage. Lies Truth 1. My imperfection makes me unrighteous and an unworthy prospective husband and father. 1. Perfection isn't a prerequisite for marriage. 2. Single people are somehow incomplete. 2. I never needed “a better half” to complete me. 3. I just ha...

TL;DR It's the Botox. For the past 3 months, my wife, Stacia, and I have been watching  Good Witch  (via Netflix and Amazon Prime). Stacia adores winding down to "Hallmark-y shows." We can rely on Good Witch episodes to always resolve happily. The episodes are never too intense. The height of conflict revolves around things like someone's inability to locate the perfect spot to snap a romantic photo for a new tourism brochure. I consider my time watching these shows spouse bonding time , and emotional training. My favorite thing about watching feel-good shows with Stacia is getting to observe her facial reactions to the on-screen drama. When two people lean in for a long-anticipated kiss, Stacia tucks her knees into her chest and frowns with her forehead while lifting her chin and bottom lip. While I'm typically unable to suspend my disbelief, Stacia seems completely entranced by the various characters' emotions. Wishing I could join her in being swept aw...

This year I sang in the Stadium Chorus for the 2019 Stadium of Fire. We opened for main the performance by Country artist of the year, Keith Urban. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience! I intend that sardonically—while it was fun to try something new, record a track in a studio, and perform on a grand stage, and earn 5 discounted tickets ($25 instead of $35; possibly $85) to enjoy with my loved ones, I don't think I'll want to do it again. In the words of an introverted friend of mine, "large crowds and country music aren't really my thing." Participation in the chorus required a hefty time commitment: 4x1.5 hour practices  3-hour run-through on location 5-hour dress rehearsal After all that practice, I still didn't think we sounded that great. The choir was primarily composed of LDS Stake Choir "All-Stars." Despite our multiple practices, and many of us already knowing the songs by heart, (This Land Is Your Land, Grand Old Flag, Arm...

Stacia and I are asleep in bed. It’s 1am and uncomfortably hot. I hear Stacia wake and stir next to me. She had already thrown off the blankets and was just under the thin bedsheet. I tell her I think it’s too hot and ask her if she wants me to turn on the ceiling fan.   Stacia: “No.” [she answers groggily] Bryan: “Lower the AC?”   Stacia: “No.” Bryan: “Which one? Fan or AC?” Stacia: “No. I want the dre-[initelligible].” Bryan; “a wha?” Stacia: “the dress” Bryan: “Which dress?” [I play along.] Stacia: “#342.“ I get out of bed to turn on the AC. The moment I stand up, Stacia says in full voice, Stacia: “Babe, where are you going?!”   Bryan: “I’m getting the dress,” I lie.  “Where is it? In the back?” Stacia: “No. It’s already in a bag.” Bryan: “oh, okay.” I turn down the AC and come back to find her sleeping loudly. Bryan: “I got the dress,” I state triumphantly. Stacia: [No response.] I must have done well. ...

Intro Good morning! [Personal intro] The purpose of my talk is twofold: For you to get to know us (the Tanners) better, and To motivate us all to experience the joy found in daily repentance.  To do this, I’d like to tell you three personal stories relating to President Nelson’s April Priesthood Session talk, We Can Do Better and Be Better . I have entitled my stories: The Parable of the Slipped Disc The Mystery of the White Notecard My (Good) Video Game Habit The Parable of the Slipped Disc Personal Story #1 : I love tennis! At age 13, my mom gave me a few compelling reasons for me to switch from playing football to tennis: First, she pointed out that the 50-100 lb weigh difference between me and my defenders would likely result in me breaking my neck. Second, she argued that playing tennis was one of the only sports that I could continue playing late into my golden years. And lastly, she paid me $100 a season to not play football. (She figured it was less ex...

TL;DR I thought therapy aimed to point out errors in my thinking, but in truth, it was to help me feel okay with my imperfections. Why I Attend Group Counseling Thanks to a recommendation by my department chair, I learned that BYU offers free counseling services to full-time students through the  Counseling and Psychology Services (CAPS) Center  (CAPS). I initially got involved with CAPS because I wanted to understand why I was procrastinating on completing my dissertation. I began receiving individual counseling over a year ago. Soon after that, I found my way to a group class called "Group Processing." Group counseling was uncomfortable for me at first, mostly because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to get out of it. My whole life up to that point had been structured with purpose and explicit guidelines on how to get there. Group Counseling was like surviving an emotional jungle. There were no explicit expectations. It was an aboriginal walkabout while seated.  E...