Tuesdays with Muerte

This year I sang in the Stadium Chorus for the 2019 Stadium of Fire. We opened for main the performance by Country artist of the year, Keith Urban. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience! I intend that sardonically—while it was fun to try something new, record a track in a studio, and perform on a grand stage, and earn 5 discounted tickets ($25 instead of $35; possibly $85) to enjoy with my loved ones, I don't think I'll want to do it again. In the words of an introverted friend of mine, "large crowds and country music aren't really my thing." Participation in the chorus required a hefty time commitment: 4x1.5 hour practices  3-hour run-through on location 5-hour dress rehearsal After all that practice, I still didn't think we sounded that great. The choir was primarily composed of LDS Stake Choir "All-Stars." Despite our multiple practices, and many of us already knowing the songs by heart, (This Land Is Your Land, Grand Old Flag, Arm...

Stacia and I are asleep in bed. It’s 1am and uncomfortably hot. I hear Stacia wake and stir next to me. She had already thrown off the blankets and was just under the thin bedsheet. I tell her I think it’s too hot and ask her if she wants me to turn on the ceiling fan.   Stacia: “No.” [she answers groggily] Bryan: “Lower the AC?”   Stacia: “No.” Bryan: “Which one? Fan or AC?” Stacia: “No. I want the dre-[initelligible].” Bryan; “a wha?” Stacia: “the dress” Bryan: “Which dress?” [I play along.] Stacia: “#342.“ I get out of bed to turn on the AC. The moment I stand up, Stacia says in full voice, Stacia: “Babe, where are you going?!”   Bryan: “I’m getting the dress,” I lie.  “Where is it? In the back?” Stacia: “No. It’s already in a bag.” Bryan: “oh, okay.” I turn down the AC and come back to find her sleeping loudly. Bryan: “I got the dress,” I state triumphantly. Stacia: [No response.] I must have done well. ...

Intro Good morning! [Personal intro] The purpose of my talk is twofold: For you to get to know us (the Tanners) better, and To motivate us all to experience the joy found in daily repentance.  To do this, I’d like to tell you three personal stories relating to President Nelson’s April Priesthood Session talk, We Can Do Better and Be Better . I have entitled my stories: The Parable of the Slipped Disc The Mystery of the White Notecard My (Good) Video Game Habit The Parable of the Slipped Disc Personal Story #1 : I love tennis! At age 13, my mom gave me a few compelling reasons for me to switch from playing football to tennis: First, she pointed out that the 50-100 lb weigh difference between me and my defenders would likely result in me breaking my neck. Second, she argued that playing tennis was one of the only sports that I could continue playing late into my golden years. And lastly, she paid me $100 a season to not play football. (She figured it was less ex...

TL;DR I thought therapy aimed to point out errors in my thinking, but in truth, it was to help me feel okay with my imperfections. Why I Attend Group Counseling Thanks to a recommendation by my department chair, I learned that BYU offers free counseling services to full-time students through the  Counseling and Psychology Services (CAPS) Center  (CAPS). I initially got involved with CAPS because I wanted to understand why I was procrastinating on completing my dissertation. I began receiving individual counseling over a year ago. Soon after that, I found my way to a group class called "Group Processing." Group counseling was uncomfortable for me at first, mostly because I wasn't sure what I was supposed to get out of it. My whole life up to that point had been structured with purpose and explicit guidelines on how to get there. Group Counseling was like surviving an emotional jungle. There were no explicit expectations. It was an aboriginal walkabout while seated.  E...

Before We Can Love Others, We Must First Love Ourselves​ "I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be. Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people."  “When we love a person, we accept him or her exactly as is: the lovely with the unlovely, the strong with the fearful, the true mixed in with the façade, and of course, the only way we can do it is by accepting ourselves that way.”  “We need to help people to discover the true meaning of love. Love is generally confused with dependence. Those of us who have grown in true love know that we can love only in proportion to our capacity for independence.” Loving Others Is an Effortful Acceptance of Who They Are Presently “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way...

I just ran across this satirical pic on Instagram, entitled, “the joys of singleness.” It got me reflecting upon my own journey through singleness and my recent transition to engagement. When I was single, I didn’t know what I was missing. As a pre-engaged person, I dated optimistically for years, but never completely felt ready for marriage. I felt contented with my personal growth & refinement. I naively thought I was chugging through life just fine on my own. This was until I felt the powerful benefits of enjoying an deep and meaningful connection with another, beautiful human being who shares similar fundamental views of the world, but still challenges me in other ways to view the world differently. I've now turned my once upside-down belief right-side up. I believe that close relationships are our primary means of personal awakening/growth. Being in a relationship is our ultimate spiritual path, not simply a outcome of spiritual practice. About two years ag...

TL;DR — For the past 20+ years, I have begun to slowly release my need for perfection. My first step was to recognize that perfection was neither possible nor healthy. I then began moving toward greater personal calm, enthusiasm for life, & productivity by practicing mindfulness while cultivating a growth mindset  philosophy by embracing imperfection . Introduction In an effort to make my blogposts more readable, I'm going to attempt to limit the content to "just the juicy, personal stuff" from now on. (I.e., No more meanderings through topics.) This post has three sections. Each one includes a key phrase that serves as a snapshot of how I viewed my relationship with perfectionism during 3 different periods of my life. Additionally, I share a personal example to illustrate each key phrase. 1) I Need to Be Perfect "Please bless me to do my best in everything I do." This personal nightly prayer was one of the reoccurring events that solidified ...